Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Attack of the Killer Worms

Every once in a while a co-worker of mine comes up with some pretty entertaining stuff. Of course, the best part is that she acts sincere when she says it. Today, as we were discussing health issues in general (which is common considering our line of work) the topic of worms came up. Parasitic worms. With complete sincerity in her voice she informed me that everyone has worms.

"Tapeworms. We all have them! Round worms. They are in our bellies! Every person on the planet has em. You have worms, I have worms. We all have worms!"

I tried to explain to her that people with tapeworms and roundworm must go through special treatment to cure them and that if we all had those specific types of worms we'd all be on medicine. She didn't buy it.

"It's true. We all have worms. If you do a colon cleanse you'll shit a load of worms!"

O.o

Eventually the subject fizzled out and changed. But it made ponder: I know that we have bacteria and dust mites and all sorts of critters hanging out on us. But are there really sane people out there that believe we are walking around just chalk full of worms? Eeeewww!

Hrmm...

As soon as I had hung up with the credit card company this morning I called my DH to update him on the latest Michelle adventure. Shortly after I arrived at work he e-mailed me a link with all the local Michelle Mitchells on it, including addresses and phone numbers. As tempted as I am to really contact her I'm suddenly totally chicken! What do I say? "Hello. I have your old phone number and I just wanted to give you your messages for the last couple of years."

???

I'll sit here and plug away at my work and see if I can work up the nerve to call someone out of the blue like that. HA! Wouldn't she be surprised.

Someone's credit card isn't going to work for long...

*ring ring*

Ms.B: Hello?

Automated System: Hello. This is Discover Financial's Fraud Prevention department. Please stay on the line and a representative will be with you shortly.

Ms.B thinks: ... What the hell? I'm on hold? You called ME!

Automated System: Hello. This is Discover Financial's Fraud Prevention department. Please stay on the line and a representative will be with you shortly. (message begins to repeat over and over...)

Ms.B thinks: ... Wait, did they say fraud prevention?? Oh no! Someone has stolen my information and gone on a binge! I'll kill them. What is going on here?

Operator: Hi, this is Tammy. Can I please speak to Michelle Mitchell?

Ms.B thinks: MICHELLE? !! ??!@#$!@*!
Ms.B SAYS: My name isn't Michelle and I've had this phone for almost two years. Sorry.

Operator: I'm sorry. I'll take this number off the account.

*****

Odd. I'm normally rather annoyed at this point when Michelle's people call me. Today I just feel sad for her. Even her credit card company doesn't have her current phone number. I suppose she'll receive a wake-up call when she tries to make a purchase with her Discover Card in the near future and it has been deactivated to prevent further fraud. Ya know, now that I have her last name I should just search for her new number online, ring her and say: "Girl, your credit is about to bite the bullet. Contact Discover Card a.s.a.p. Oh, and by the way, call your mother!"


Ms.B

Monday, February 12, 2007

Glum weather, glum mood...

The annual February Cold that sweeps through work, wreaking havoc, making eyes puffy and voices gruff claimed a new victim this year. ME! Normally I have the stamina and immune system savy to avoid this nasty bugger. Do I get sick? Yes. But every other year I have managed to avoid this particular pain in the @$$. That it hit me the very week I began a second job is just kissmet. Luckily I managed to drag myself into both jobs with my "happy face" on and didn't let on how achey and tired I was. My voice managed to hang on until the weekend really began so all is well.

The rain that fell on Saturday and Sunday was a perfect reflection of how I was feeling. There were so many projects on the "to do" list this weekend. Little things that would tie up the last loose ends on some of the remodeling. Small starts for preparing for the next few rooms that need to be done. None of it was accomplished. Instead, I spent my time in my jammies laying in bed, sleeping soundly on my drooly pillow. When I did have energy I sat in my office chair at the computer, staring at the screen like a zombie. NeoPets was my entertainment. I must have been running around playing games for hours and I still haven't figured out how to get past level 1. Pretty sad considering that you can get all the way to level 250!

And now it is Monday. I'm at work and doing well, all things considered. I'll make it through the day, drive home, and have a personal "Poor Me" pity party (complete with icecream). By this time next week all my dreary thoughts and emotions will be forgotten.

I'm not a firm believer that time heals ALL wounds, but I know for a fact that it erases memories of pity parties.

Ms.B

Friday, February 2, 2007

I feel so... wanted

One of the many duties in my position at work includes being an Aide to the Speech Pathologist who works with our residents. There is no shiney frame holding a Speech Pathology diploma on my wall, rather my role is acting as the eyes and ears of the professional. Conveniently enough, my consultant also works at a nearby facility that is very similar to ours and this facility is always visited by the State Survey team prior to our own yearly survey.

This year, there was a lot of focus on dietary issues which is one of the areas that I, the Speech Aide, monitor. Both of our facilities have been doing a good job of ensuring that each resident is on the most appropriate texture of food. The issue that state has is that we need to be checking the residents on a regular basis to make sure that someone who has puree-textured food isn't able to eat ground food just as easily. The goal is that everyone be on the least restrictive diet possible. It's understandable that we should monitor this. When I am an 90 year old granny is a nursing home some day they better not be giving me mooshed up shit to eat if I am capable of gumming up regular food just fine. ACK!

My consultant has an easy "fix" for state's problem. We just have to document our efforts. In a matter of minutes, I created a form that we are now using for data collection on recent barrium swallow studies, doctor recommendations, and staff observations. If all goes well, the members of the survey team will think we are grand and we'll avoid being written out on that issue. The form I made is rather convenient. So convenient, in fact, that my consultant wanted a copy to use at the other facility as well.

During our meeting yesterday, she mentioned needing some assistance at that facility due to the staff there being slightly less than helpful. (Those are my nice words, she was less appreciative of them though she remained completely professional in her demeanor as we spoke.) She asked if I would be interested in a second job over there. I admitted that the money might be really useful since we are wanting to do some additional re-modeling to the Haven in the near future. The idea of being able to easily afford to re-carpet the small bedroom and basement Hallway is very appealing to me. The fence around the back-yard also needs some attention in the near future. Perhaps this other job could be very beneficial. So I told my consultant, (I'll call her Mrs. Rich), that I might be interested and to let me know exactly what would be expected of me. I anticipated that she would fill me in at our meeting the following week.

No sooner had I sat down at my desk this morning when I received a phone call from Mrs. Rich telling me all about the hours expected and what I'd need to do. She asked if I could call the administrator of the other facility and arrange to start as soon as possible.

!!! ??? AHHH!

I asked Mrs. Rich for the phone number and told her I'd be in touch. I've not called yet, but I did phone DH and ask him if he thought it was a good idea. A second job isn't a smart move if you don't have the support of your spouse. The mention of extra cash for the carpet and fence seemed a good temptation for him as well and since he sleeps during the day and the second job would also provide extra snoozing for him before I arrived home each evening, I suppose it wasn't too hard to twist his arm. I am now procrastinating the call and blogging instead. It's not that I don't want the job. It's a great opportunity. I just want to be sure I'm not losing my marbles. Am I too lazy to work a 10 hour day multiple times a week? I have friends who work 16 hours, 6 days a week, or more. Of course, they are insane so I hate to compare myself to them.

What the heck, why not go for it? I can always quit if it becomes too much. I just need to be sure to talk to my boss here so he doesn't find out I'm working at the other place through the grapevine. I am not sure why, but the two buildings are very competitive and Mrs. Rich told me that there is a good chance that the other place is most likely going to try to steal me. I can't imagine them matching what I make at my wonderful job, and even if they did, I have been here long enough that I earn quite a bit of vacation a year and as a management staff, I also have perks with regards to sick pay. I must make sure my boss knows where my loyalties lie.

And then I'll sit back and enjoy the attempts of the other administrator. It's always nice to feel wanted. Now where the hell did I put that phone number?


Ms.B