Happy New Year!

Happy new DECADE, even!


Ms.B

Wordless Wednesday - Entry 3

Grandma's Table

Tasty Tuesday -Week 2

Party Food!

In the spirit of a brand new year's celebration, the theme this week for Tasty Tuesday is PARTY FOOD!

Having grown up in a rather conservative environment, I admit my thoughts on the types of food and drink served at a party are very boring tame compared to what might be offered at a standard New Years celebration. When I think of parties I think of chips & salsa, popcorn, cheese & crackers, brownies, and soda. Lots of soda. Mostly Rootbeer and other caffeine-free options. If the person who hosted the parties of my youth was a real rebel we'd have the 'good stuff' like Mountain Dew, Dr. Pepper and Pepsi! Woo!

I'm happy to announce that even without alcohol involved, the friends at these parties seemed to get as rowdy and exciting as the average person would at a party fueled by beer. Although... by the end of the night there was less nudity... and no one drove home (or into a tree) drunk.

This year I'm not sure where I'll be when we ring in 2010. There are a couple of options. I still don't drink alcohol. It's just not my 'thing'. I also don't eat a lot of sugar. DH and I have been avoiding it for over half a year and our health is vast improved. (He's lost 50 pounds!)

If I'm wild and crazy that night, it will be because I ate too many tortilla chips. WACKY ME!

Ms.B

Happy Holidays!

My resolution this year...

Okay, I confess. I've not made any. But maybe if I'm lucky I'll blog a bit more regularly again (I miss it!) and in hind-sight I'll claim that was my resolution.

Yes, that sounds about right.

Whoever you are, wherever you may be, I hope you are having a safe and happy holiday season, regardless of which holiday or three you might be celebrating!





Ms.B

Wordless Wednesday - Entry 2

Bo's Christmas Present

Tasty Tuesday -Week 1

Food Traditions…

I’d love to say my immediate family was full of traditional moments, but when I think of food traditions it is my Grandmother who first comes to mind. She’s in her mid-90s now (born in 1915), yet looks the same as she did when I was a child. Sometimes it seems like she’s not aging, though I know I can’t keep her forever.

“Food Traditions” as a theme makes me think of being at her house in Wyoming as a child. Baking bread together in her kitchen. Mustard Pickles. Bottled Peaches. Home-made Taffee-- when you burned your fingers to hell and back but you didn’t care because the results tasted so good!

Right now my sentimental side thinks “Grandma” when it comes to memories like this, but somehow I suspect that as I get older, and possibly have a child of my own some day, that my memories of dad and his “amazing fruit salad” and my mom and her “Stack Ons” will also come to mind. And maybe, if you are lucky, a future theme will allow me to share those recipes with you. You’ll be super happy if I do! :D


Ms.B

Forward March...

I rarely respond when I receive forwarded mail at work. But I do occasionally become interested enough to peek inside and see what has come along into my inbox.

Today's arrival was another one of those "fill this out and forward it on to all your friends on this mass e-mail list or risk pending doom of some sort or other" ditties. Instead of doing that, however, I am sparing my friends the hassle and posting my replies here.

Exciting? Sure! (Smile, nod, and play along!)

Oh, and if you want, you are most welcome to answer these questions on your own blog. But if you don't, rest assured that you won't receive 7-years-bad-luck or other such disasters for not forwarding this post to at least 10 people.

Here we go!

________________________________

1. Do you like bleu cheese? No. Just... no.

2. Have you ever smoked? Only when I'm on fire. Oh, and that one time I snuck a cigarette from my grandma when I was... like nine years old.

3. Do you own a gun? No.

4. What color Kool Aid was your favorite? Any kind I could grind up in the blender as a home-made slurpee. That's every kind, right? SUGAR RUSH!

5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments? No. I just don't GO to them. *hides*

6. What do you think of hot dogs? I crave them about once every... five years.

7. Favorite Christmas movie? Frosty the Snowman!

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Caffeine

9. Can you do push ups? Yes. But then I'd die.

10. What's your favorite piece of jewelry? My wedding ring. It's the only jewelery I wear.

11. Favorite hobby? Reading, crocheting, painting... Oh, can I only choose one? Oopsie.

12. Do you have A.D.D? Of course not! I... Oooh, shiny!

13 Do you wear glasses or contacts? No. Whether or not I need them is another story.

14. Middle name? Lee

15. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment? Bo's ass stinks. These questionnaires take too long to answer. Bo's ass stinks.

16. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink? Diet Coke, Mt. Dew, Smart Water

17. Current worry? Surviving winter weather

18. Current hate? Utah

19. If you could be anything in the world what would you be? Retired?

20. Where would you like to go? FLORIDA!

21. Do you own slippers? Yes. Somewhere... unless one of the dogs ate them.

22. What color shirt are you wearing? Blue

23. Do you like sleeping? Is this a real question? It's only one of my favorite things!

24. Can you whistle? Yes. And loudly, too!

25. Where are you now? *looks around* STALKER!

26. Would you be a pirate? Maybe if I was a Neopet.

27. What songs do you sing in the shower? No singing. But sometimes I squeal when a dog jumps in with me.

28. Favorite Girl's Name? Payton

29. Favorite Boy's name? Logan

30. What's in your pocket right now? Ipod, lint, my hand...

31. Who last made you laugh? My DH!

32. What vehicle do you drive? GMC Jimmy. My favorite car in the world. I'll be so sad when it goes to car heaven some day!

33. Worst injury you've ever had? Sprained Ankle, or... do gall stones count?

34. Do you love where you live? I love my house and family. I want to move it... somewhere else!

35. How many TVs do you have in your house? 3

________________________________

And there you have it, folks!

Ms.B

Wordless Wednesday - Entry 1

Wordless Wednesday

Perhaps I'll give two Meme's a shot. Wordless Wednesday isn't new. It's well-established, but it looks easy and very fun. Yay!

Tasty Tuesday

In an effort to write about something other than the furry kids in my life, I am going to begin participating in a Meme. It's brand new to the Meme world and covers another topic I am fond of: Food.

*pats her belly*

I've never participated in a Meme before but its very exciting to think that once a week I can see what inspiration the day's theme brings me and unload a post on this blog. Story, picture, recipe... who knows.

We shall soon find out.



*NOM*


Ms.B

Back in to "Pet Mode"

If I'm this focused on my animals, just imagine how bad I'd be with a child? I'd be that random stranger who whips out photos of their children for random strangers in the supermarket. Perhaps its for the greater good of my fellow citizens that I have furry children only.

As of yesterday, we have Hunny's AKC papers (her previous owners dropped them by our house!) and she's licensed. She's really and truly official now. It feels good. I can't wait to send in her registration, get her pedigree and have her microchip registered in our name. What a relief!!





p.s. Bo's butt stinks!! We need to find a way to remedy this right away!!
*looks around for a cork*

Mommy

I have a very bad habit. Well, I take that back, actually. It's not a bad habit. It keeps me sane, after all. (Well, as sane as I can be, that is.)

I like to dwell on anything BUT the actual bad drama in my life. Notice how my recent posts have been all about the animals in my life and no update on my poor, sweet crazy mother? SHAME on me!

She started chemotherapy this past Friday and her prognosis is good. We're hopeful that the treatment for the cancer in her ovaries will also help reduce or eliminate the nodules in her lungs and thyroid.

She returned to work a few weeks ago with a wig. She says that if she wears it now, folks won't notice a switch later when her hair falls out. In fact, she already buzzed her real hair down to about 1/2 inches in length just so she doesn't have to go through separation anxiety later. She had a rather dramatic look on her face the first time she whisked her "hair" from her head to display her new haircut. She's trying to be very brave about the whole situation, though I can tell she is a little scared. Who wouldn't be in this kind of situation, after all? If attitude is any indicator of survival, my Mommy is going to be just fine.

Thank heavens.

Tradition

The holidays seem to bring about a lot of tradition for many families and ours is no exception. Ours is not a "baking home". Nor do we have huge festive celebrations each year. But there are a few routines that we seem to repeat. Things that seem to happen each year and will most likely continue for years to come.

For instance, there is a local store here in town that manages to stay in business year after year despite the large Walmart Chains everywhere. I never think to shop there for things I need, and imagine that many other folks are the same way, so I have no idea why the place hasn't gone out of business yet. BUT-- during the holidays it always has the best assortment of tree ornaments. Amazingly cute things. And, if you wait til the right time, they all go on sale for 60% off. I like a good deal. And I love that each year we are able to find fun new ornaments for our tree. Happy Holidays to those to DO shop at this store throughout the year so that it is there for me during the holidays!

Speaking of ornaments, we also have a tradition of getting each of our pets an ornament. Bo's is an inexpensive one we found at Walgreens. It didn't look much like him since his boxer markings are unique. But with a little craft paint I was able to make a pretty good match. I was rather proud of myself, actually. I also found an ornament for Hunny. Ebay is my hero. It's rather difficult to find Pug ornaments. Many of them are just horrid looking. I'm realistic enough to realize that many of the pugs in this world are rather goofy looking as well, but my two are beautiful (I'm a sucker for a crisp, black mask) and I expect their ornaments to be cute as well. I proudly present to you our "current canine collection":





It was bittersweet hanging Chloe, Shelly and Fluffy on the tree this year. I miss them very much. But in all of their situations, they are in a better place now, whether its Rainbow Bridge or a home where they'll get the care and love they deserve, and we can look at their little ornaments and enjoy fond memories.

Happy Holidays, everyone!

Ms.B

Did you place a bet...

on how long it would be before we filled the void Shelly's loss left in our lives?

If so, I hope you risked the big bucks on it not taking us very long. We rescued a female pug two days ago. We're calling her Hunny. So far she's fitting in just adorably. More info later, I'm sure.

A picture or three will have to suffice for now. :)

Ms.B

Bones

My two boys are relaxing in their kennels and chewing on their bones. They seem completely content with the world.

Their lives are so easy.

If all goes well, it will be more than 10 years before I have to make another decision like the one we made this week. I am going to enjoy the stuffin' out of these two and move on to focusing on the good memories of our good ol' Granny dog.

We are going to re-arrange the office today to better fit the boys' kennels. Our house is small but its amazing how nicely the things we have seem to fall into place here.

I love my Haven.


Ms.B

Happy Afternoon

Today was nice. Barbeque with friends from work. A few rounds of cards.

Relaxation.

Ahhhh!!!

Happy day!


Ms.B

I'll miss you, Shelly

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.
There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together.
There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.
The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

Author unknown...

Chaos

Toss me an umbrella, because when it rains, it pours.

It's early in the morning and I haven't slept tonight so forgive me for not making any attempts at creating a charming post. I just need a good vent. Congratulations! You, anonymous reader, get to be my unofficial therapist. Kick back, grab a note pad (or not), kick up your feet and listen up! Nod here and there so I think you are paying attention. Ready? Go!


Thank goodness its finally my off-week. Work is one less thing to worry about during this windstorm of drama that has blown into my life.

My dogs are sick. Bo had the runs last week, Gus has them this week and has also, for whatever reason, decided now is a good time to lick his upper lip until it is pink and raw. WTF? And on top of all that, Shelly has one foot in the grave and the other on a banana peel. Poor Granny dog. At this point letting her go on much longer is practically abuse. DH is calling around pricing the charges for having her humanely euthanized. Dammit! It's like losing a child. I'm sure people with human children might disagree but they aren't in my shoes. These dogs ARE my children. If you want me to experience the difference then go ahead and birth a kid through your own hips and send it my way. Perhaps them I'll quit my bitching understand.

Throughout the giant shit-mess that is my dogs' illness, I've also been under the weather. Just a cold, but still, its wiped me out. All week long my friends at work have told me I looked tired. I guess a forced-peppy attitude doesn't exactly hide the bags under my eyes. Whoopsie. Struggling at work, too. I'm normally near perfection with my processing. I do NOT make mistakes, I tell ya. I made a few doozies last week though with all that was on my mind.

What's on my mind? Oh, yes. The REAL deal causing most of my stress. My mom. Bless her heart, we clash a lot. But when it comes down to it, she's family. I love her.

She's sick.

Doctors found a tumor near her ovaries a few weeks ago. Last week, what was supposed to be an out-patient surgery ended up being a 4-5 hour long "Open Her Up and Get Everything We Can" procedure. I visited her at the Huntsman Cancer Hospital a few days ago and she seemed upbeat, though in a lot of pain. They think the tumor (which turned out to be the size of a softball. Not a baseball, a SOFTBALL!) was benign but the mass on her ovary wasn't so promising. Also, they discovered nodules in her lungs and on her thyroid. Awesome!! (Do sense the sarcasm, please.)

We're still waiting on test results. I plan to call my dad tomorrow to find out if any updates have come along. The worst part is that I can't vent about it on my Facebook account. Only here. The reason behind this is that my mom parents decided that my sister shouldn't be told about what is going on until she comes home from school in three weeks. Apparently she should hear this in person, a month after the fact instead of while she's at school. Over the phone is too impersonal. Seriously? If I was in her position I'd be extremely angry not to be included in what is going on. After all, she is an adult now and should be treated as such, even if she is a little immature for her age. No, the immature comment isn't an insult. I was the same way. Never fear. And in her shoes I'd have been mad not to be filled in on what is going on. A small issue, sure. Wait to tell me. But the doctors have already decided that there will be a few rounds of chemotherapy, at the very least. To me that means a big issue, regardless of the prognosis.

I HATE being asked to keep a secret like this. I'm tempted to just call my sis and spill the beans.

Perhaps I should.


Ms.B

Oh RAPTURE!

Does it reflect poorly on my life's "excitement rating" when a new vacuum is the highlight of my entire off-week from work? I mean, 7-day vacations twice a month are already a blissful thing in itself, I realize, but this fact is eclipsed by today's purchase.

We were only able to afford it thanks to the air-head bitch nice lady at work who backed into our Oldsmobile with her own vehicle two weeks ago. The damage was minor, but noticeable, and her insurance company stepped right in and cut us a check to fix it. Being as our car was made in 1989, we decided it was more practical to put the money to a better use and thus our Dyson DC28 came home with us. The cosmetic appeal of our 20 year old car can be fixed later. Meh.

We pulled out our 4-year-old Hoover vac and vacuumed the upstairs. Mind you, we shampooed the floors less than 2 weeks ago so they were not too nasty to begin with. Then out came the Dyson. Woa nelly! Oh joy! 2 inches of nasty dirt and hair filled the chamber in no time.

I am officially in love! DH should worry. I might just elope with our vacuum!


Ms.B

Sidenote: We found our vacuum hidden in a corner of the store-- minus its box. It had been returned by another customer for an unknown reason but was in perfect/new working order. It was discounted by $110. If you are in the market for a purchase like this one, take a look around. You never know when you might save a ton of money simply by wheeling the treasure out the door instead of lugging a box. Same machine. Same accessories. Same warranty. And we paid $490 for a $600 vacuum.

Sweet deal!

Dear Bike Thief

If I was rich, I'd buy the kid a new bike. So FUNNY!!

Ms.B

And so it goes...

A few random thoughts:

Kanye West is a moron.


Our puppy Bo started puppy class this past week and is showing signs of being as brilliant as his older brother is. Yay!

Bo also had a snip-snip two weeks ago, allowing us to go ahead and microchip him and get him licensed! He's a 'real dog' now! Yay!

I miss summer already and its not even gone yet. Boo for the cold weather headed our way! My tomato plants only just started producing (thanks to my planting them a month late. Oopsie!) They need more time!!

My car still smells like dead snake. I wonder if I'll ever be able to drive it again.

I hate the word "delicious". I don't know why.

I love my husband. We've been married for four years as of the 17th of this month. Best years of my life. I've never known a person as fun, sweet, caring, and spunky as he is. He's fun!

Do dogs go to heaven?

This is literally a 'church signs' debate, being played out in a Southern town, between the Catholic church and a (fundamentalist) Presbyterian church.

From top to bottom shows you the response and counter-response over time. The Catholics are displaying a much better sense of humor! You get the impression that the Presbyterians are actually taking this seriously!




















Every once in a while I don't mind receiving a mass-email. HA!

Ms.B

Facebook Gaffe

Wow. Every working person has had their fair share of good bosses and bad, myself included. And even a good boss can piss a person off from time to time, I'm sure. But the gal in this image I received via e-mail must be a total idiot. Seriously. For those of you who haven't seen this yet, enjoy.



Apparently this is a REAL Facebook entry by some gal over in Britain.

If I knew who this boss was I'd give them a high-five for their snarky and victorious reply. I'd also bop this gal on the head.

Twice.

Ms.B

From the computer of my co-worker, Doug

I just want to thank all of you for your educational chain-e-mails over the past year. I am totally screwed up now and have little chance of recovery.



I no longer open a public bathroom door without using a paper towel or have them put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying about the bacteria on the lemon peel.

I can't use the remote in a hotel room because I don't know what the last person was doing while flipping through the adult movie channels.

I can't sit down on the hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed.

I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking ones nose (although cell phone usage may be taking the number one spot).

Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of Trans fats I have consumed over the years.


I can't touch any woman's purse for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public bathroom.


I MUST SEND MY SPECIAL THANKS to whoever sent me the one about poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.



I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's Novena has granted my every wish.


I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

THANKS TO YOU I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

BECAUSE OF YOUR CONCERN, I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.


I no longer can buy gasoline without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.



THANKS TO YOU I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt.


AND THANKS TO YOUR GREAT ADVICE I can't ever pick up $5.00 dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhoea will land on your head at 5:00 p.m. Tomorrow afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbour's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician . . .


Oh, by the way.....

A German scientist from Argentina , after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse.

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.

Magic

No, not the rabbit-in-a-hat-kind, but the geeks-who-play-cards kind.

It's our new entertainment at The Lab on Saturdays and Sundays when we've hauled bootie and finished all our processing early. I never understood the game before, and there is still a lot of learning to be done, but a fancy little 'blue deck' has been created and slowly but surely, Ms.B is going to figure this game out!

I am also trying to build a red/white deck all by myself. I have no clue what I'm doing, but it sure is fun. A whole lot of planning and organizing goes in to making a deck. And then, once you have a perfect set of cards, you still have to be lucky enough to pull the right ones in the right order when you play. Can I just tell you how annoying it is when you KNOW you can beat the person you are playing... if only that darn mana would come out of your deck!? HA!

A few folks at work told me the game promotes devil worship. I don't understand where they are coming from. It's a card game with wizards and dragons and gnomes. I suppose those folks think Harry Potter will corrupt me too. But that's okay. They are welcome to their beliefs. While they are praying for my soul each Saturday/Sunday night, I'll be at a table with a large group of great friends having a whole lot of fun!

By the way, this is my favorite card. It's nearly useless in the game, but this little guy is sooooo cute! I call him Timmy!



I love you, Timmy!

How do you make a boxer sit still?

Anyone familiar with the boxer breed is well aware of their lively and active personalities--- amazing, lovable and full of energy and wiggles.

So how, pray tell, do I get my puppy, Bo, to 'take it easy' and not bounce around during the next two weeks while his boy-bits heal after his neuter?



Ms.B

The Story of Adam & Eve's Pets

Okay, so I know I've had more 'random' posts lately rather than sharing what I'm up to, but that will be remedied this week, I'm sure, since I have the entire week off (again). Have I mentioned yet, how much I LOVE my work schedule? I have half the year off! Sweet. Anyhow, here is another cute story that was sent to me by a friend. --Ms.B


The Story of Adam & Eve's Pets

Adam and Eve said, 'Lord, when we were in the garden, you walked with us every day. Now we do not see you any more. We are lonesome here, and it is difficult for us to remember how much you love us.'

And God said, I will create a companion for you that will be with you and who will be a reflection of my love for you, so that you will love me even when you cannot see me. Regardless of how selfish or childish or unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourselves.'

And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam and Eve. And it was a good animal. And God was pleased.

And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and Eve and he wagged his tail.

And Adam said, 'Lord, I have already named all the animals in the Kingdom and I cannot think of a name for this new animal.'

And God said, 'I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love for you, his name will be a reflection
of my own name, and you will call him DOG.'


And Dog lived with Adam and Eve and was a companion to them and loved them.

And they were comforted.

And God was pleased.

And Dog was content and wagged his tail.



After a while, it came to pass that an angel came to the Lord and said, 'Lord, Adam and Eve have become filled with pride. They strut and preen like peacocks and they believe they are worthy of adoration. Dog has indeed taught them that they are loved, but perhaps too well.'


And God said, I will create for them a companion who will be with them and who will see them as they are. The companion will remind them of their limitations, so they will know that they are not always worthy of adoration.'

And God created Cat to be a companion to Adam and Eve.


And Cat would not obey them. And when Adam and Eve gazed into Cat's eyes, they were reminded that they were not the supreme beings.


And Adam and Eve learned humility.

And they were greatly improved.


And God was pleased . . . . . .

And Dog was happy. . . .






Cat didn't give a shit one way or the other...

Why do we love children?

Received this at work from a friend and thought it was cute. Figured I'd share! :)


1)
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when
a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark
naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from
the back seat, 'Mom, that lady isn't wearing a seat belt!'

2) OPINIONS
On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note
from his mother. The note read, 'The opinions expressed by this child
are not necessarily those of his parents .'

3) KETCHUP
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her
struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer
the phone.. 'Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now.
She's hitting the bottle.'

4) MORE

A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's
locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with
ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in
amazement and then asked, 'What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a
little boy before?'

5) POLICE # 1
While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was
interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at
my uniform, she asked, 'Are you a cop? Yes,' I answered and continued
writing the report. My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask
the police. Is that right?' 'Yes, that's right,' I told her. 'Well,
then,' she said as she extended her foot toward me, 'would you please
tie my shoe?'

6) POLICE # 2
It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the
station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking,
and I saw a little boy staring in at me. 'Is that a dog you got back
there?' he asked.
'It sure is,' I replied.
Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van.
Finally he said, 'What'd he do?'

7) ELDERLY
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly
shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds.
She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age,
particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her
staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself
for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and
whispered, 'The tooth fairy will never believe this!'

8) DRESS-UP
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw
her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, 'Daddy, you shouldn't wear that
suit.'
'And why not, darling?'
'You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning.'

9) DEATH
While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister
heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt.
Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin.
Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small
box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal
of the deceased.
The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with
sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father
always said: 'Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into
the hole he goooes.' (I want this line used at my funeral!)

10) SCHOOL
A little girl had just finished her first week of school.. 'I'm just
wasting my time,' she said to her mother. 'I can't read, I can't write,
and they won't let me talk!'

11) BIBLE
A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he
fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the
Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old
leaf that had been pressed in between the pages.
'Mama, look what I found,' the boy called out.
'What have you got there, dear?'
With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, 'I think it's
Adam's underwear!'

Side Note

I really thought that perhaps my post from a couple of weeks ago would cause a bit of an uproar but I've had NO response from any of the real-life friends who know of my blog.

I am now under the impression that I've either scared you all away, pissed you off, or no one actually cares enough to come here. HA! Okay, not really.

But I do hope you are all alright and know that I still love you to bits and I do hope that I didn't offend anyone too much.

Ms.B

The "Ms.B lays it all on the line" Edition

A lot of self-evaluation has been done lately regarding a very controversial topic in the news. My final impressions are consistent with the vague opinions I have held for a long time. I've taken a second look at the opinions of those around me and had to teach myself to accept and love those who feel differently than I do about this subject. After all, if I lump everyone with common beliefs into my observations I am doing the very same thing that I am upset over other people doing. First and foremost I struggle to remember that everyone is different and has a right to their opinion.

That said, I've decided to step out of my comfort zone and share how I feel. I know that all the people in my life will have varied opinions on my topic here and please understand that any of the venting that sneaks its way into my post here aren't meant as an attack on anyone who is aware of who I am in real life. And I respect that not all of you will agree with my views either, and that's okay.

Growing up, I bounced around a couple of different religions as my parents worked towards finding a point in their lives where they felt complete. Although my family's religious "title" changed from time to time, the lessons I was taught as a child were consistent.

Jesus is love/perfect. We must try to be like Him.

Judge not, lest ye be judged.

Love one another.

---basic Christian beliefs that are, from what I understand (and feel free to correct me if I'm wrong!) somewhat universal in Christian religions.

I live in a area of the world that has a very high population of individuals that have grown up with these same values and beliefs. In fact, our region is often well associated with a specific religion, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, or "Mormons". Some of the most amazing people I know are Mormons. I am a Mormon. Baptized at age 11 and actively attending on and off as I grew up. That being said, out of the last 12 years of my life I've only been an active member for 2. Two years out of twelve. I've tried to motivate myself to attend services. Struggled to find my niche within the organization. But I've finally come to the conclusion that this isn't going to happen for me at any point in the near (and possibly far) future. I don't feel like I'm in the right place when I'm there. I don't miss being there. Don't want to be there. All the the lessons I was taught as I grew up run through my head when I try to evaluate why it is that I avoid attending my weekly meetings. It usually boils down to feeling guilty about 'something'. I don't even know what I feel guilty about, per say! I'm not a bad person. My life-style, aside from avoiding church and having a potty mouth a sailor would be proud of, is the same as when I was 'active'. I don't drink. I don't smoke. I don't use illegal substances. I lead an amazingly average life. No wild child here. I still love the gospel. I just don't love church. And yes, contrary to what some extremists have told me, that is possible.

But I digress. I didn't start this post to share my feelings about "The Church", as its called in these parts. There is a more important topic that I've been meaning to blog about for quite some time. Recent events might seem to have influenced this sudden urge to share, but rest assured that I held these views LONG before I realized how vitally they could impact my life, average as it is. I think I got sidetracked because my topic has been connected so closely to The Church in the media lately.

I want to address my views on homosexuality.

*gasp*
"Ms.B! A serious topic on your board? Dare I even read any further? !!! ??? !!!"

You don't have to. You can click the little X in the corner of the screen here, or rush off to a safely bookmarked page at any time. I promise I will respect that decision. Perhaps you, like me for so long, are happy in your bubble of safety and like to pretend that there isn't much drama in the world. So many issues have been publicized about this topic lately. And most views are extremely biased. You are either "for" or "against" gay marriage. Now, now. I know many readers are probably saying "Oh, I'm not against gay people." But I have a few stories to share, a test of sorts, if you don't mind. You don't have to write down the answers. Don't even feel you have to share them out loud with anyone. Just think about your honest responses/opinion and possibly learn something about yourself in the process.

A Mormon co-worker of mine has said a few things lately that really bother me. No, I don't think his views are a direct representation of The Church and what every member there stands for. Me mentioning his religious affiliation isn't meant to convey that. But it is his background. A conversation we had this very morning stands out to me a LOT!

Co-worker: I missed out on seeing all the smooching today.

Ms.B: Smooching? What on earth? (Honestly at this point I wondered if he was going down an awkward topic-path that H.R. would need to be told about later on. HA!)

Co-worker: Didn't you hear about those two gays who were caught kissing at Temple Square?

At this point he showed me the article about the protesters who were angry that the men were asked to stop showing major signs of affection while on private property.

I shared my opinion that while I respected the two men and their right to love one another, I thought they shouldn't have verbally abused the cops and representatives of the people who owned the property they were on. After all, if you aren't in a public place, I expect that folks should always respect the wishes of the private owner(s) of the place where you are. I don't care if this place is a church, garden, store, bus... whatever. RESPECT, people. Those men deserved to be asked to leave. NOT because they were gay. That had nothing to do with it. They were acting in a way that was viewed as inappropriate in a place that was NOT public property and should have respected the rules there. Had I been a gay person, I'd have been disappointed that others with my same life-situation had represented me in that manner.

The conversation this co-worker and I had during the following few minutes included the following phrases:

Co-worker: I don't have anything against the gays. They can do whatever they want as long as they don't rub it in my face. I mean, I have an uncle who is gay and I allow him to be around my kids! It's fine. I get along with Ryan and he's flaming gay! And DH has his tranny-brother or whatever you want to call it...

Ms.B: Sister. His sister.

Co-worker: Like I said, whatever you want to call IT.


Call me crazy but I didn't get the vibe that he actually "didn't have anything against 'the gays'" from this conversation.

It made me wonder how many other people out in the world talk the talk but don't walk the walk. I am 100% confident that people that I absolutely adore must feel the same way and not even realize it. They SAY what they think they SHOULD say, if they want to feel Christ-like. But their real opinion is obviously that people who happen to be gay are only to be "allowed around their children". That they are "its" instead of "hims" and "hers".

To all who subliminally agree with my co-worker, I have to ask: Do you really think being gay is contagious? Do you think that if you "allow" someone who is gay to be around your children they are going to catch some sort of "Gay Bug"? Are those who happen to love someone of the same gender really "lesser people"? Are they incapable of feeling emotions like you do? Do you think its easy for them to give up all the "safety nets" that a heterosexual couple have and let the world know how they truly feel?

I would HOPE that most people in the world would answer "no" to these questions. Answer no, and really mean it.

I'm not trying to tell you to suddenly decide topics like "Gay Marriage" are great and that we should all link hands and sing Kumbaya. It would be a jolly good time if we could, but it will never happen. I try to respect other people feelings on things, after all. Agree to disagree.

But I have to say that I am frustrated as hell that my sister-in law on DH's side of the family and my very own newly un-closeted sister will have to struggle against a lot of biased opinions that relegate them to second-class citizenship. They have a right to be commited to the one they love. To have health coverage (I'm so proud that my current employer will cover 'Life Partners'!). To have all the tax perks that married people do.

I don't CARE what its called. Marriage. Civil Union. Whatever. It's too bad that we can't all be treated equally without government or religion stepping in to say that this can or can't happen. Isn't it all about freedom of choice?

To toss a religious spin on it, shouldn't it be all peoples' choice to choose who we marry? Not to have someone else's values and what they think is right and wrong dictate what you can and can't do? (Within the law, of course. Murder is NEVER a great thing, regardless of what religion you are. Oye.)

I was taught a story as a child. It's replayed in my head a lot lately and I find the topic interesting. It has a Mormon spin on it, of course, so if you are not religious just try to catch the vibe of the message without feeling I am spouting religion at ya, okies? Thank you.

Latter-day Saints believe that God is our Father in Heaven. Before we came to this world, we all lived as spirits under his care and guidance. We believe that God begat or created the spirits of Jesus, Lucifer, and all of the human family as his children. Our Heavenly Father is literally the father of our spirits. Jesus Christ is considered the preeminent "firstborn" or "firstbegotten".

Lucifer, who was never a member of the Godhead like Jesus, rebelled against God, and was forever cast out. He became Satan, our adversary. Unlike Jesus or us, Lucifer will never be born into a physical body.

Latter-day Saint scriptures summarize this issue as follows:
In the beginning, when all of our spirits were still in Heaven, there were two men that stepped forward and were ready and willing to lead God's people here on earth. Lucifer wanted to come down and control everyone. To force us to do what God thought was right. Not ONE spirit would be allowed to go astray. But instead it was Jesus who was chosen as a leader to come down and be an example to us all. To come and love us and give us the right to make our own decisions and learn from our mistakes as we go throughout life.

Lucifer, who rebelled because he wasn't given the control he wanted, was cast out and is now the entity we know as "Satan".

We were supposed to have the right to choose our own path (and be accountable for our decisions in the end) without church & government some outside force stepping in and ordering us to do things the way they thought we should.

So, as rebellious as I am now in my non-church-attending ways, I am going to cling to those lessons I learned as a child. Do what I can to, like my parents, find that point in life where I feel complete.

I can never be perfect. No one can. We can only do our best in our quest to feel self-worth. I am not going to judge people who's life-styles are different from mine. I'll leave that to Jesus when the time comes. I am going to try to 'love one another'. Try to understand and respect other people's views and hope they will do the same for me and everyone else out there in this crazy world we live in.


Ms.B

Wowsers

I didn't realize until my last post that it had been over a month since I updated. What a slacker I am!

Not that anything super interesting has happened, really. Bo is growing like a weed, our weeds are growing like Bo and all is well, in general.

DH spent a week in Canada while I stayed home and puppy-sat.

Work is going well. I am almost out of my "6-month training" period and will soon be eligible for bonuses if I can get my productivity high enough. I am praised for minimal-to-none errors and my Work Flow Coordinator consistently gives me positive feedback. I can't tell you how nice it is to hear good things after going 8 years with a boss who only gave you feedback in the form of yelling at you when you messed up on doing something (possibly even something you'd never been told to do and/or not been shown how to do!) Refreshing.

DH and I have Harry Potter tickets for next week, too. Very exciting. We'll double date with our movie-friends and have a splendiferous time. :D

And that is it, I think.

The End --- of this update.


*bows*

Hipaa Shmippa

Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act

In my line of work I see many many bits of private information that can NOT be shared with anyone unless they work with me and have a need to know the information in order to perform their job duties.

Because of this I am annoyed as hell that I can't share the nitty gritty details my exciting experience at work today. Samples, left and right. Blood, poop, fluids, stones... even babies in jars. I see all sorts of gross/exciting stuff come through the lab. It's thrilling at times. Sooooo interesting.

Today the friend who often sits behind me tapped me on the shoulder and showed me his paperwork.

Friend: Do you think it could be him? It's a rather distinct name. I doubt anyone else has it! And look at the hospital these samples came from!

Ms.B: *looks* Wow! And his birthday--- the age is totally right!

DH: *looks at paper too then goes to his computer* I just 'googled' his name and the birthday online matches your paperwork. It's totally him!

Friend/Ms.B/DH: !!!!!!


Today, I held a little piece of Hollywood in my hand!


Ms.B

Puppy Love

It's has been a rocky start integrating Bo into our little family. He brought some 'belly bugs' along with him, courtesy of his original home, and has had diarrhea all week long. Two trips to the vet later, he is on some major meds and will be just fine. And thanks to his willingness to be potty trained, our carpets should survive the ordeal just fine as well. Thank GOODNESS! What a little super star!




Ms.B

What a difference a day makes

Wow. Okay, so its less than 24 hours later and all sorts of chaotic adventure has occurred.

Afton is back at the Humane Society. It turns out she'll be best in a home where she is the only dog. This morning, when Gus went near her kennel and food dish, she grabbed him by the neck and tried to eat his head. He's fine. I'm probably more traumatized than he is. But we knew that her aggression (and the power that comes along with her large size) was ONE thing we couldn't retrain. And we can't give her time to work on it. After all, if one of our cats had been the one to get too close to her 'territory', they'd have lost a few of their nine lives.

I cried when we took her back to the shelter. I know she'll find a great home , but its still sad that it didn't work out with our family. It doesn't help that we can't get our adoption fee refunded either. We can only exchange the first dog for a different one. Our 'coupon' is good through December.

Bye bye, $90.00.

After this disastrous turn we've decided that an adult dog is just too risky to introduce to our household. We need a dog that will grow up with our other pets and be used to them from day one. We drove directly from the Human Society to the home of the man who had a litter of Boxer pups we'd been watching on a local classifieds site. We met his three adult dogs and played with the puppy and left a short while later with him (the puppy, not the man!) in our arms.

We really are insane, you know! INSANE!!

But already we see a difference. The other animals are super friendly to our new little guy. Even the cats are showing amazing patience and acceptance. Who can blame them though, really. He's FREAKING CUTE!




Bo, the wonder pup!


Ms.B

::::facepalm::::

Not that it will surprise anyone, but we've added to our zoo yet again. Anyone who knows us well was probably taking bets on how long it would take us to fill the void that Chloe left in our lives. Well, call in your bets!

WOOF!

I've never had a BIG dog before... until now. We talked ourselves out of the Great Dane puppy we'd been looking at and went with a rescue from the Humane Society. She's still a beautiful girl: 8 months old, brindle with white patches on her chest and front paws. A mix of something with Australian Cattle Dog. She appears half dane or boxer... And despite being female, she's very calm and relaxed. What a good girlie. DH has decided to call her Afton.

We DO plan to downsize one more time as well. If you know anyone who likes snakes, send them our way!

We wanted to bring her home tomorrow since it is the first day of our off-week. But the gal at the counter said if we applied for her today, we had to take her today. Nothing a quick stop at the pet store couldn't handle, though. She slept in her shiny new kennel this afternoon while we took a quick nap before our shift (soooooo tired!) and she'll be fine in there tonight while we are gone again.

My parents are gonna freak out.


Ms.B

Happy Haven

I'm sitting here feeling sorry for myself. I've found two of my babies great new homes this week and I miss them terribly.

I need to remember that I still have THREE cats and TWO dogs that adore me very much. Not to mention the snakes and mice and fish. Okay, the fish don't adore me. And I guess the snakes don't really care about me either. But the mice are tame and like me. And the bigger furries do too. I'm still a "mommy". Maybe even more of a mommy now since I put the needs of my sweet babies ahead of my own wants.

Hrmm... this self-pep-talk almost worked.

*sigh*

Might as well...

...endure all the heart-ache at once.

We've talked about finding Fluffy a new home for a while now and this week we put an ad up on a local classified site. I honestly didn't think she'd be desired so quickly. With the over-flowing kitten population, an adult cat isn't normally wanted very often. I imagined updating the add weekly and spending a couple of months finding a perfect home.

Not so! I placed her profile yesterday. The first person who called didn't receive a reply from us-- we could tell she wasn't a fit. But the second woman who contacted us seems great. She asked all the right questions (i.e. "How old is she?", "Is she spayed?", "Does she get along with dogs?", etc.) and seemed very nice. I couldn't ask for more in a new owner. She even used the terms "Forever Family" and "If you'll let me have her I'd be proud to be her new Mama."

I'm sold. She can adopt me too.

It might be crazy to re-home two pets in the same week, but its not like this was a whim. And its all in the best interest of my sweeties. Losing Chloe was much harder than having Fluffy move on will be. Chloe is older and we were together a long time. She was the first dog that was mine. Fluffy is young and has her whole life ahead of her. She'll settle in and forget we ever existed. She's gonna be just fine.

And once the pain of change passes, the Haven will be just fine too.

Ms.B

Tears

I miss my dog.

Ms.B

Dream Schedule

One more shift left in my first ever 7-on week. Yes, that's right folks. I have achieved my long-desired 7-on/7-off schedule. A single 10-hour shift stands between me and an entire week off from work. A week off that isn't a long-awaited vacation but rather just the days no one will expect me in the lab.

FREAKIN' AWESOME! I technically only work half of the year.

Yes, in case no one can tell, I'm very excited.

*twirls*


On a sadder note, DH and I have decided that Chloe, the wiener, isn't doing well in our home. She'll still be a great pet for someone else. Just not us. We aren't home often enough to let her outside to go wee. She can only hold it for about 5 hours. She needs a family with a stay-at-home person who can cater to her bladder needs. We've spoke with a few local rescues and one of them has agreed to take her. They are finding her a foster home even as I type this blog entry. I'm super sad. But I know its best for her, even if I'll be doing a fair share of crying. In a small way this must be what a new mother goes through when she decides to adopt out her baby.

*sigh*


Ms.B

Random Fact About DH

My hubby is watching the movie "The Karate Kid" for the very first time, even as I type this blog entry.

Yes, you read that correctly. For the first time.




Ms.B

Random Fact Update

DH has not yet guessed which fork in our kitchen is my favorite.

Whew knew a passing blog entry would cause so much entertainment for me.


Ms.B

That's What She Said III

I'm having Justin's baby.

Your yogurt just spit on me.

So you stick it in the bottom and push it all the way through... It works better if you point it at someone...

Stick it in my box.

...Pretty...

The bulbs that DH and I planted last fall are coming up and blooming all over the place.

I'm so happy that we took the time to get them in the ground! Now if only those bugs hadn't killed half our front lawn. TruGreen sprayed, so the problem is gone. But it will be a couple of weeks before we get our pretty green turf back.

Doh!

But spring is a-comin'!

I'm so happy!

Miamouse Army

My miamouse army grew by two yesterday when we went to pick up some 'lunch' for our snakes. I now have a grand total of nine. Three that look like my original baby mia and six others that are various shades of spotted. They are getting tamer now. A few let me scoop them up and hold them. The shyest of the bunch are even taking food from my hands and hopping into my palm when I have a handful of goldfish crackers to share. Who knew something so small (and potentially scary) could be so sweet and friendly.

Oochie boo.

Random Fact About Me

I have a favorite fork.

No hidden meaning there. I really do have one fork that I love above all others in our kitchen.


And I'm not even really sure why.


Ms.B

Finally!

I'm not one to blab about politics or controversial issues. Really... but I have to say that the following headline makes me super duper happy:

Phil Spector Guilty of Murder!

Come on, now, really. I realize that in this day and age about ANYTHING is possible, but you will never be able to convince me that a woman who is in the acting business would EVER commit suicide in the home of a stranger, mere hours after meeting him for the first time, with HIS gun by shooting herself in the face.

No way.

Nope.

Nuh uh. :::shakes head:::


I saw the pictures online of her dead body. Slumped in a chair. Her purse strap over her shoulder. What woman hunts around a stranger's mansion for a gun, picks up her purse as if she is about to leave the place and then slumps down in a chair near the exit and eats a bullet instead? That man killed her and I'm glad that a jury in California finally did the right thing and convicted a celebrity who was guilty as hell. Even if he hadn't previously chased five other women with guns or confessed to his chauffeur right afterward I'd think he was guilty.

Give that man 20+ years (the equal to a life sentence) behind bars. Give that man a hair cut. Give Lana Clarkson justice. Sweet deal.

And there it is folks, my two cents.


Mrs.B

"That's what SHE said." II

Is your pickle delicious? (The best part about this comment regarding Matt's pickle is that he quickly reminded us that it would be what "HE" said rather than "she". Oh my!)


It's sticky. Can't get it in my mouth!

Are you going to be down there for long?

I love Cock Sauce! -------->

Oh cute. I've never seen one so small before!

Here. Touch it.

---------------------------

I never realized how many harmless comments could sounds so dirty! Scandal! But good for a laugh. Laughter at work makes a day fly by. Even when it involves Potty Humor.

I is a Processor!

I passed my test.

I am done with training.

I still have no idea what I am doing.


AHHHHHH!

It's very exciting. I'll get a better grasp on things as time goes by, and my "learning" is only beginning.

Tomorrow night is my first real shift. A full 10-hours. I have my assigned row (Row 4, for the win!) and will be able to do my thing! Yay! (Please don't let "My Thing" involve messing up!) Part of this next shift will even be overtime, which will fall into the $30+ an hour range. Neato!

I went out today and bought some scrubs to "celebrate". It's not required that we wear scrubs at work, but I think they'll be most comfy. And then I can use the free gym. I didn't relish the idea of working up a sweat in jeans. They could... chap? Ew.

I PASSED!!! *dances*


Ms.B

"That's what SHE said."

A rather amusing, quick-witted trainer at work has a quip-phrase that he likes to use... whenever possible applicable. The line is-- "That's what she said!" (So maybe he didn't originate the phrase, but he 'owns' it, people. That's all that matters!)

He finds all sorts of chances to pipe up with it. Like immediately following comments like these:

#1) It just keeps getting bigger.

#2) It's more fun when it spits.

#3) I need more meat.

#4) Milking a goat is a two man job.


Keep in mind that all these phrases were said in the context of a regular conversation, having nothing to do with naughty, naughty things. Alas, they all have new meaning now.

Thanks, Ryan!


Ms.B

Input Overload

I had been in my old job position for so long that I spent my days on auto-pilot. A new postion/company/field has been quite an adjustment. I really like where I am at now though. It's been such a good experience, really, that I am angry at myself for letting the fear of change hold me back for so long.

I am as pleased with The Lab now as I was during my last 'work update'.

I have only a week of official training left. It will be about 6 months before I really have it all down, I'm sure. But I'm picking up on things and I know that everything that is so confusing right now will be easy and routine in time.

Right now I am on a 4-day work week which leaves me three consecutive days off each weekend. My hope is that I can eventually move to 7-on/7-offs very soon so that I can carpool with DH. It seems rather fantastic to think that if I just picked up a few extra shifts beyond what I am used to doing, I can have a SEVEN day weekend... all the time!! Only work half the year. Seriously, how much better could it get? *dream* Oh, wait. It does get better. Once I am out of training, there will be chances to pick up overtime. And in my department, overtime pays triple. If I go in and pick up a shift sometime in the middle of one of my weekends, I will make $30+ an hour.

Sweet.

The clock is tell me that it is now almost 3 a.m.. I think it is time to get my fuzzy brained self into bed. One shouldn't blog in this state. I'm capable of writing about such silly things. Thank goodness I had the self-control to limit myself to work... this time.

Ms.B

Double Take

I passed him twice before I realized I knew those eyes. The scruffy hair, beard and glasses were new to me... but the baby face behind them... so familiar.

Instead of approaching him and saying 'hello' I went to the company website and looked up his profile. I had to be sure he was 'him', ya know? Yes, yes. There he was. The name was right and the year-old picture on the server more closely resembled the old college buddy in my memories.

Finally, this morning as I was leaving work, I threw aside my shy feelings and approached him. We grinned like fools as we chatted for a few minutes. He's more quiet now. The bounce is missing from his step and he seems really tired. Maybe stressed?

I'm always glad to see old friends, but its hard when reality kills the memory. I will no longer think of him as the sweet, laughing, eager boy he used to be. Of course, there is always the hope that he was just having an off-day. Only time will tell.


Ms.B

Wow

Sometimes my life needs guidance by outside forces. Having my position at the care center absorbed by other departments was one of those nudges.

I spent the past few years at the care center hating my job off and on. Knowing that I should look for a better company, yet feeling loyalty to residents and staff that I had been with for almost eight years. Now that the company I was loyal too for so long decided this loyalty was one-sided and sent me on my way, I was forced to do something I had been contemplating doing for so long. It must have been destiny, really, since things have worked out so well.

Before I even had all my personal items boxed and in my car that final day, I knew where I would go. And I did. I came home and applied that very night. I'll refer to this wonderful new place as "The Lab" for lack of a better or more creative name. Granted, its more than just 'a lab', but the nickname will suffice. It's been less than a month and I'm already started at my new company. My new CAREER, even. Day One of Orientation was today. Here are the main things that stood out for me from all the info I had to soak up:

1) Over 100 people applied for my specific position. I was chosen. I was called the "Cream of the Crop" today. I can't express what that did for my self-esteem.

2) The Orientation I did for new employees at the care center was put to absolute SHAME by the amazing, enjoyable, high-tech training I had today. Wow.

3) There is a free gym at my new workplace, complete with free personal trainers. The only part I'll have to pay for are the massages. $10 for 15 minutes. Nice.

4) No matter WHAT subject I study, The Lab will pay at least 75% of my tuition. If I enter a med tech position, they will pay 100% of my studies. I could take sign language. Or art. Or foreign language. Home Economics. Doesn't matter. They'll reimburse. They want us to further our education! They would offer the same benefits to my spouse too (and any future children!) Of course, DH is already employed there.

5) Ergonomic Specialists will do whatever they can to make sure that my work station is suited to MY specific needs. Amazing. I couldn't even get the care center to get me a new chair, let alone a computer for my desk. I had to provide those things for myself if I wanted them.

6) I have a fancy name badge, complete with colored photo, that grants me access to numerous computerized doors that will only open for authorized personnel. High Tech fun!

7) The cafeteria there is awesome. Decent food, too. And vending machines everywhere full of rather healthy looking goodies. Oh, and those machines take credit cards, for the record. Oooh. Aaaah!

8) The benefits at The Lab are AMAZING!! Seriously. I'll learn more about them on Tuesday but more than one person in my training today admitted that they had applied there specifically for the benefits that are offered.

9) The Lab has been given the honor of being one of the Top 100 Companies to Work For by a well-known magazine in recent years. Finally, they received a letter from the publisher saying that because the government technically owned The Lab, they couldn't be placed on the list any more. Otherwise, they'd still be listed, I'm sure. Apparently they are the top lab in the country. Sweet deal!

10) I only work four days a week. Four 10-hour shifts. And down the road I'll have the option to work 7-on/7-off if I want to. Both of those are improved hours. Yes!

______________

There is so much more I could say, really. But I'll sum it up with

"I'm SO FREAKIN' EXCITED!!" --- *ahem*

I still miss the care center. I keep thinking of things that should be getting done, then realize its not my worry. Part of me hopes its all happening so that everything goes smoothly. Of course, the little devil on my shoulder is glad a few things will go un-done and cause problems. I want them to miss me and regret sending me on my way. After all, I was good to them for a long, long time. And I'd have stayed that way for a long while to come, I'm sure. But they were fools and let me go.

And now, I feel like I've won a prize somehow.


Ms.B

Economy in Crisis

Day after day I read articles and headlines broadcasting how companies across the country are cutting 10,000 jobs here, 20,000 jobs there.

My company only had to cut one job.


Mine.


Ms.B

Needing a Vent

*rolls eyes*

Once in a while I need a good bitch-fest. This is one of those times.

I would REALLY like it, if, when I leave the office, my co-worker would give a damn about watching my desk. Moments ago I ran to help someone check the mail and while I was gone, another resident raped her way through my desk til she found the few pieces of sugar-free candy I had left and helped herself.

I realize we can't keep an eye on each others' desks 100% of the time but the gal HAD to have been standing at my desk for quite some time to find what she did. And she's a BIG gal. Kind of hard not to see her moving out of the corner of your eye.

Eva didn't even apologize for the situation. I think I won't worry about protecting her desk from now on, either.

What? Someone pissed in your chair? ...That sucks.

Can't wait til I'm old enough to use deaf and blind as an excuse too. Must be pretty convenient.


Ms.B

*BEEEEEP*

Knowing that Sunday night was when my brother-in-law sister-in-law broke the news of her impending change to the other sister-in-law (who was recently visiting us here at the Haven), DH e-mailed to ask how it had gone. Apparently "she freaked out" would be an understatement.

"What am I going to tell my daughter when she looks at our wedding photos?"

It must be a tad stressful to have to approach everyone associated with your life to explain that you are making such a huge change. But Jordanna is handling it with a sense of humor, which is the best approach, I'd wager.

I present to you part of the reply that was sent to DH's e-mail.

"Anyways yeah that was super fun, I can't wait to do it again.....over and over again. I swear my life has just become a constant ongoing disclosure. It's getting to the point now where I'm gonna start saying "I'm a lesbian trapped in a man's body and I'm cutting my dick off, push 1 for "Sounds good" push 2 for "Better start running cuz I'm getting my gun", 3 for "GREAT!! Now my wedding pictures are ruined", and for all other responses please hold on the line and someone will never get back to you." "


Ms.B

Zoom Zoom Zoom...

So it's not a Mazda. In fact, there is no room for a motor, but it sure does the trick for helping Chloe get around the house. She doesn't look to pleased in this photo but keep in mind this was following a bath and nail trim which has always pissed her off in the past.

Truth be told, her chariot is a Hannah Montana skateboard that my dad picked up from a local store for about $12 and altered to create this fine piece of art.

Poetry Chloe in motion.

Ms.B

How low can you go III

Apparently $1.28 was where things bottomed out. Gas prices have rebounded to around $1.60 now... Almost over night, it seems, from the prior amount fuel was going for.

Bummer.

As the World Turns...

these are the days of my life....


I'd been thinking life was a little dull lately. Not bad. Not change-worthy. But not exciting enough to blog about. Recent events have changed that. Now I'm not even sure where to begin. Each of these topics could be an entire entry in their own right. But instead I will condense them together since my inspiration for blogging has faded as of late and I don't want to lose steam before I share everything.



#1) Chloe. Still broken. But she can now wag her tail. Progress! We've decided to wait until her pain meds run out before making a decision on her long-term potential in our home. My father made her a "wheelie" (VIDEO to come if I can get my act together!) and we hope to help her settle back into a routine very soon. For now she's still stuck in the bathroom where she can continue to heal without wizzing all over our carpets.


#2) I've been sick. Not just "Oh, the flu" sick. No no. It's the embarassing sick that you can't go to work with. Must. Stay. Near. Pottie. I won't go into further detail for fear I'll scar someone for life. No fun. But I've had distraction in the form of:


#3) Mischief/Worm Girl. She began reading the book series "Twilight" and has discovered her inner teenager. It's cute. She giggles! She beams. She GLOWS over those books (and movie! "Hello Doctor!). I've NEVER seen her act like this before. If only there was a way to bottle this effect. I'd be rich. RICH!!

#4) ZINGER of the week. I no longer have two brother-in-laws. I only have one. The second has decided he she prefers to be a sister-in-law. Being as far away as we are from DH's family, it won't affect us as dramatically as it will the rest of his family. In general they will be very supportive, I think, though you can never predict how someone will react to news like this. "I'm going to tell you something very important, but first, you must promise not to punch me!"

I hope by the time we go to visit, she's living in her new form so that its easier to call her "Jordanna", as she wishes. I won't be as liable to slip up and call her by her former male name if she's looking feminine. Apparently she will continue to be married to her current wife even after all changes go into effect. Is "transgender lesbian" a proper term? Obviously I'm rather ignorant to such a life style but I suppose I will get a crash course in the near future. Am I really so cool about it as to mention it on this blog and not be totally freaking out? I have no idea. I only just received the news today. Perhaps I'll leave the "!! ?? !! !#@$!@#$"s to Jordanna's ex-wife and grandparents. After all, she told DH on the phone today that she felt that out of all the sister-in-laws, I'd be the one who was the most understanding and accepting of the situation. How can I get all wierded-out when such a compliment has been payed to me?

I'm understanding. I'm accepting. *preen*

Besides, I only have to sit back and let her be who she feels she is happiest as. She has to change her entire life around (work, school, KIDS, ex-wife, current wife, etc....) and re-program her family to accept who she is. Get them to acknowledge who she is now and realize she doesn't want to be who she was before.

I am normally a very sympathetic and empathetic person. I can usually put myself in someone's position to get an idea of how they are feeling. But I have NO idea what it must be like to feel you are trapped in the wrong body.

Every time I type "she" on this entry my brain back-fires and tells me that is wrong. Not "wrong" morally, necessarily. Just not the right way to refer to the loud, broad-shouldered, MANLY brother-in-law I had up until this morning's breaking news.

I hope she is at least a PRETTY woman. For her sake. Though, if she looks better than me in tights and heels, I will kick her ass!

Ms.B

Routines are hard to break!

This morning we discovered just how easy it actually is to help Chloe express her bladder. Apparently all it takes is for DH to lift her up to carry her somewhere and :::WHOOSH::: she pees! Poor DH. And poor me who was sitting on the floor beneath her wiping up smeared dry poopies. DH got the very worst of it. (*cackles with glee*) But at least we've seen her wee and poo now and that makes us feel better. She still can't use her hind legs. She struggles to pull herself around on those short front paws. It's not the most coordinated looking process but if you give her enough time she moves... barely. Today, for instance, she was in the bathroom (where we're kenneling her while she's needing rest) and I was in the room next door checking my e-mail. I glanced over to see her dragging herself into the office. I picked her up, figuring she was 'empty' and therefore safe to lift, and set her on the blue dog bed in the corner of the room. Minutes later Chloe couldn't stand it anymore. She dragged herself over to the floor beneath my desk and flopped down on my feet. That's 'her spot', ya know? And then she began to lick the carpet there. A nasty desire we've never been able to break her of.

I guess old habits are hard to break. Even when you are broken.

Ms.B

Angel Chloe

I have meant to post something along these lines for a few days now, and with recent events unfolding as they have, I decided I had procrastinated enough.

I can't begin to express how proud I am of my my little brown wiener dog. Chloe was rescued from an abusive home a few years ago after biting some small kids when they were picking on her. Although she seems to be a new dog now, I was a little cautious about having her around my toddling niece the past week. No need to fret! She was an angel. A complete and utter angel. She was cute. She was sweet. She was brown. She was doggie. She was a good girl!! At long last I felt at ease with her and thought I had done some good in the dog world.

Less than 48 hours after our company was gone, disaster struck. Not in the form of her misbehaving, mind you. She's a sweetheart, still.

Chloe. My little brown wiener!

Yesterday she went 'down'. I know that dachshunds are prone to this but we'd been taking precautions to avoid it and it really caught us off guard. We whisked her off to the emergency clinic and they have put her on steroids, muscle relaxers and pain meds. We are doing physical therapy with her and manually helping her empty her bladder. But even with all this, there is only about a 25% chance she'll regain some use of her hind legs. We can't afford $5000 for surgery. Heck, we can't even afford $600 for a wheelchair for her. So, unless a miracle happens, we will have to put her down soon.

Folks who are physically capable of birthing children probably won't see the disaster in this situation. Perhaps to them this is 'just another dog'. But Chloe is my little girl. Almost a daughter to me. And this situation is just tearing my poor little heart in two.

My poor baby!

Family

DH's mother, brother/wife/baby all came down to visit for the past week and I have to admit it was rather enjoyable. I tend to be a homebody who enjoys peace and quiet but having chaos in the house was a nice change of pace. My mother-in-law is wonderful. DH's bother is a nice guy, his wife, though rough around the edges, was enjoyable and my niece is so freaking cute!!

I finally feel like a real aunt. For 5 whole days I had a little side-kick-buddy-pal who hung out with me and really seemed to think I was rather neat. Talk about a self-esteem boost! She's only 1 year old so who knows if she'll think I'm equally great six months from now when I see her again, but for this week, I was COOL!

Ms.B