Side Note

I really thought that perhaps my post from a couple of weeks ago would cause a bit of an uproar but I've had NO response from any of the real-life friends who know of my blog.

I am now under the impression that I've either scared you all away, pissed you off, or no one actually cares enough to come here. HA! Okay, not really.

But I do hope you are all alright and know that I still love you to bits and I do hope that I didn't offend anyone too much.

Ms.B

Double Take

I passed him twice before I realized I knew those eyes. The scruffy hair, beard and glasses were new to me... but the baby face behind them... so familiar.

Instead of approaching him and saying 'hello' I went to the company website and looked up his profile. I had to be sure he was 'him', ya know? Yes, yes. There he was. The name was right and the year-old picture on the server more closely resembled the old college buddy in my memories.

Finally, this morning as I was leaving work, I threw aside my shy feelings and approached him. We grinned like fools as we chatted for a few minutes. He's more quiet now. The bounce is missing from his step and he seems really tired. Maybe stressed?

I'm always glad to see old friends, but its hard when reality kills the memory. I will no longer think of him as the sweet, laughing, eager boy he used to be. Of course, there is always the hope that he was just having an off-day. Only time will tell.


Ms.B

As the World Turns...

these are the days of my life....


I'd been thinking life was a little dull lately. Not bad. Not change-worthy. But not exciting enough to blog about. Recent events have changed that. Now I'm not even sure where to begin. Each of these topics could be an entire entry in their own right. But instead I will condense them together since my inspiration for blogging has faded as of late and I don't want to lose steam before I share everything.



#1) Chloe. Still broken. But she can now wag her tail. Progress! We've decided to wait until her pain meds run out before making a decision on her long-term potential in our home. My father made her a "wheelie" (VIDEO to come if I can get my act together!) and we hope to help her settle back into a routine very soon. For now she's still stuck in the bathroom where she can continue to heal without wizzing all over our carpets.


#2) I've been sick. Not just "Oh, the flu" sick. No no. It's the embarassing sick that you can't go to work with. Must. Stay. Near. Pottie. I won't go into further detail for fear I'll scar someone for life. No fun. But I've had distraction in the form of:


#3) Mischief/Worm Girl. She began reading the book series "Twilight" and has discovered her inner teenager. It's cute. She giggles! She beams. She GLOWS over those books (and movie! "Hello Doctor!). I've NEVER seen her act like this before. If only there was a way to bottle this effect. I'd be rich. RICH!!

#4) ZINGER of the week. I no longer have two brother-in-laws. I only have one. The second has decided he she prefers to be a sister-in-law. Being as far away as we are from DH's family, it won't affect us as dramatically as it will the rest of his family. In general they will be very supportive, I think, though you can never predict how someone will react to news like this. "I'm going to tell you something very important, but first, you must promise not to punch me!"

I hope by the time we go to visit, she's living in her new form so that its easier to call her "Jordanna", as she wishes. I won't be as liable to slip up and call her by her former male name if she's looking feminine. Apparently she will continue to be married to her current wife even after all changes go into effect. Is "transgender lesbian" a proper term? Obviously I'm rather ignorant to such a life style but I suppose I will get a crash course in the near future. Am I really so cool about it as to mention it on this blog and not be totally freaking out? I have no idea. I only just received the news today. Perhaps I'll leave the "!! ?? !! !#@$!@#$"s to Jordanna's ex-wife and grandparents. After all, she told DH on the phone today that she felt that out of all the sister-in-laws, I'd be the one who was the most understanding and accepting of the situation. How can I get all wierded-out when such a compliment has been payed to me?

I'm understanding. I'm accepting. *preen*

Besides, I only have to sit back and let her be who she feels she is happiest as. She has to change her entire life around (work, school, KIDS, ex-wife, current wife, etc....) and re-program her family to accept who she is. Get them to acknowledge who she is now and realize she doesn't want to be who she was before.

I am normally a very sympathetic and empathetic person. I can usually put myself in someone's position to get an idea of how they are feeling. But I have NO idea what it must be like to feel you are trapped in the wrong body.

Every time I type "she" on this entry my brain back-fires and tells me that is wrong. Not "wrong" morally, necessarily. Just not the right way to refer to the loud, broad-shouldered, MANLY brother-in-law I had up until this morning's breaking news.

I hope she is at least a PRETTY woman. For her sake. Though, if she looks better than me in tights and heels, I will kick her ass!

Ms.B

Every time a bell rings...

... an angel gets her wings.


I've been sitting here trying to type this entry for quite some time. I keep getting a few sentences into it and deleting what I've written... re-wording what I've said, deleting again... Imagining a different... hell, I don't know. I guess the best approach is just to spit it all out. So please forgive any spelling and/or grammar errors because I really need to get this venting done or I just might burst.

I've seen people who died before. I've been to funerals. I've seen them in hospitals where they would soon die. But this morning was the first time I've ever witnessed the entire "person drops, ambulance comes, clothes are cut off, tubes/needles/CPR" death before. I was okay during. I'm okay now. I'm not shaking. I'm not crying (yet). But I can't get my brain to wrap around the idea that she's gone. She was born in 1920 so I can't deny that she's had a ripe old life. Up until this morning when she tipped over dead she was a regular ol' firecracker of a woman. The morning has been crappy as it is with my 30-minute commute taking 1.5 hours and it being Monday on top of it all. Not that I should complain because obviously MY morning wasn't as bad as hers.

I guess it all boils down to the fact that I loved her sassy spirit and will miss her very much. I was already emotional to begin with since the anniversary of my Grandma's death was just a day ago and I was already a little down in the dumps.

What a shit-fest of a day. And its only 10:30 a.m.. Where is a silver lining when you need one?


Ms.B

Drout

I've been doing so much thinking internally lately that I haven't taken the time to blog the way I normally do. Other than my dramatic week at work I've not shared much of any of my thoughts.

I'm disappointed that I didn't blog during Kim's visit to Utah. She came while I was on vacation and we had the most wonderful time. DH and I plotted ways to kidnap her but realized that all our other Neopet Friends from the chat room would know who had done the dirty deed since they were all aware that we were hogging the attention of one of their favorite neo-friends. We'll have to plot more sneakily for her next visit (which might be in a couple of months.)

Last weekend I went to see my 94 year-old grandmother in Wyoming. She's at her home for the last time this summer. She can't take care of herself and the cost to maintain her property is rising. The kids plan to empty her house this fall and rent/sell the property. My grandmother is resisting but its obvious that she can NOT be on her own. Her vision is gone. She can't even walk down a few steps without assistance, let alone live in her home. But it was lovely to spend time with her in her own house a final time. DH and I are plotting to make one last quick trip up next weekend. I think that will be an emotional trip and the emotions that will be involved with it might make me unable to blog. I don't have a magical way with words the way true writers do. I can blog in a way that expresses some emotion but not when it comes to the deep stuff. No no. Somehow, typing the words "I'm sad." just doesn't do the trick. Dammit.

Ms.B

Missing Mischief

Mischief isn't at work today (or likely much of this week at all!) because of the passing of her father. So far as I know it was unexpected.

Mischief, we miss you and hope you and your family are doing as well as can be expected at this point in time.

My poor friend. I'm sad that her heart is broken right now.


:(

Ms.B

And the award goes to....

Today was General Staff Meeting. After an hour of blah blah blahing about stuff we've all heard before, it was time to announce the new "Employee of the Month".

Eva stood before the group and said kind things about the amazing talent that was our new "EoM". We all leaned forward in anticipation, waiting to hear who this glorious person could be.

She finally announced the winner and we all began to cheer and scream.

Upon hearing her name, Mischief's eyes got "..... this big ......" around and her jaw dropped a little.

In my head I was thinking of calling out "Speech, SPEECH!"

Perhaps it is best that I didn't since her first comment was:
"What the HELL?"


Ms.B

What's in a Name?

Although I think "Worm Girl" has a nice ring, it has come to my attention that perhaps, to some, it might not be as catchy. After all, who wants to sneakily find their co-worker's blog and learn that the nickname which all 4 of its readers know her as is "Worm Girl".

And so, since she has recently started a blog of her very own called Random Acts Of Mischief, I am proud to announce that I will attempt to train myself to refer to her as "Mischief".

I suspect that this new nickname will be embraced by its owner far more than the old one was.


YOU SNEAKY WORM GIRL MISCHIEF!

Ms.B

1:30 a.m.

What on earth am I doing awake? Honestly now, all good girls should be asleep in their beds, yet here I am blogging.

Tonight, as I was whisking DH out the door to work, my cell phone rang. It was my good buddy, M.

I met M at about the same time I met my husband. Nice guy. Mid-40s. Divorced 3 times.

Anyhow, from the moment we met, M and I hit it off. Not in a romantic sense, but it was as if we'd been friends for years. Good, platonic, easy-going friends. Nothing more. EVER!

We'd get together and talk about the dates we'd been on with other people. When I met DH, M cheered me on and was happy that I was happy. When he met his current wife online I did the same for him.

He and his wife, E, wed on June 3 of last year, about 8 1/2 months after my own wedding. It was the fourth marriage for M, the first for E. She is from the Ukraine so M&E had to go through the same VISA process as DH and I. Oh, the joys of importing your spouse. M&E tied the knot in Las Vegas, Nevada. DH and I were there for the occasion and we all had a grand time that weekend. Things seemed to be going well.

That's why M's phone call caught me a little off guard.

I really need someone to talk to. E is working 3 jobs and spends her entire day angry with the world. She doesn't cheer up until 8:30 at night. It's like we are roommates instead of married. She goes out with her friends and seems really happy but when she comes home to me she turns mean.

... I didn't know what to say. I hadn't realized it was so bad. Then he shared more.

We aren't doing anything for our anniversary next week. I offered to send her to Vegas with a friend. I'm not going. There isn't even any reason to rent a room somewhere. We haven't had sex since our honeymoon.

.... What does a good friend SAY to that?

E told me that if I want sex, all I have to do is ask. But every time I've hinted at it she's turned me down. She says she's not as easy as American girls.

.... What does an American friend say to that!!!

I suggested he talk to her about how he feels and he said he already had; that E had told him that she "is the way she is" and nothing would change. Even though he insisted that he still loved her, I could tell he was defeated. My heart broke for him. I managed to survive the rest of the conversation by low-level-managing M with comments like "That's so horrible.", "Hrmm..." and "I'm so sorry!".

Near the end of the phone call he had one more unexpected comment for me.

Some time you should send "DH" to work and you and I can catch a movie together, just you and me.

I gave the obligatory response of "Oh, sure. Maybe we can do that some time. I hope you feel better soon, blah blah blah." that supportive friends DO but my heart wasn't in it this time. Why on EARTH would he need to have me send off my DH and spend alone time with me? I know he needs a friend and I definitely want to be there for him but I am wise enough to see the trouble that a situation like that could lead to.

We'd go see a flick, then he'd drive me home. In the drive-way he'd start to cry about the demise of his marriage and I'd hug him for comfort. Then one thing could lead to another and.... I'd have to kick his ass for trying to make a move on me. A great friendship would be destroyed. I can't risk it. And even if the night was innocent, how would it appear to his wife?

Perhaps I am jumping to conclusions about M's intentions. Maybe the extra attention I've received from Mr.PBM lately has given me illusions of grandeur regarding my effect on the male species.

Perhaps.

Ms.B

Secrets...

Keeping a secret is a talent. Depending on the seriousness of the subject matter, it can kill you inside! I am lucky to fall into the category of people who are, in fact, able to keep a secret. At least, I can keep it if you TELL me its a secret. Otherwise I might just blab it to the world without realizing. Oops. My bad.

A few days ago a co-worker, J, took me to her office on the sly and told me she is quitting. J is one of the best employees our company has ever had and I am distressed with her leaving. She's a "good energy" type of person who doesn't wait for things to happen but instead jumps in and makes them happen. The type that you are grateful to have as a co-worker, yet hope that your boss doesn't compare you to them because you fear you'd never measure up.

I have mixed emotions about my secret. I am sad to see J go. She's been a support for me on both a professional and a personal level. My family wasn't able to attend my wedding, and J sat next to me that day before the ceremony in the place of my parents. If it wasn't for the friendship and support that she gave me I highly doubt that I'd have met and married the man I did. Yet, I know that she has great ambitions inside of her and I've always known this day was coming. She is moving to an impoverished country and doing volunteer work in an orphanage. Those children are going to be so blessed by her presence there, and I have no doubt in my mind that she will be equally touched by them. But still, it is hard to see her go. I know it won't be the same here without her. We have to share her with the world. Boo for sharing. sigh

I've posted her job opening on the necessary websites and arranged for it to run in the local newspaper this weekend. I've had to do this all in secrecy, however, because she hasn't yet made the formal announcement that she is leaving. I've spent the morning smuggling resumes and applications into her office. I am grateful that I won't be involved in the decision of who will replace her. No one would even come close. What can I say, I'm biased.

Attack of the Fertile Girls

Tomorrow will be the first gathering of the "friends from college" this year. The event: Double Baby Shower. Yes, not one but TWO of my friends are almost ready to pop. Damn Fertile Bitches! They are so cute and fun and pregnanty looking. Their babies will be adorable and sweet and smell so nice. I'm happy and excited for the party on one hand and green with envy on the other. Not just a regular green. A lime-freakin-gimmee-gimmee sort of green. BAH!

The best part of it is that I need to get gifts which means more SHOPPING. WOOO! All my envy aside, I really do look forward to the get-togethers that we have each time someone has a child. We always descend upon the home of our hostess with gifts and food galore. By the end of the night we've all promised that we're going to get together more often (!! ... right.) and reminisce about the good old days when we were all students in college and didn't have the stresses (and pleasures) of married life.

The girls I befriended in school are among the neatest people I've ever known. They've blessed my life in more ways than I can count, as corny as that sounds. But this is the last set of friends who are having their first child. The only one left without children now... is me. sigh While the other women sit in a circle and discuss the cute things that "Little Johnny" did, I will be sharing my proud stories of a monkey that knows how to 'sit'. How twisted is that? And yet, even though I am not part of the Mommy Club I will still enjoy myself. And ya know what? I really will be okay even if I am never in that club. Because deep down inside, I know that I have a good life regardless of the milestones that I may or may not have reached. So I don't have babies. I have a wonderful supportive family who cares about me. And as an extra bonus, the sweetest, sassiest, most exciting man I've ever met decided that he could tolerate marrying me and having me around forever more. How can a girl complain?