The "Ms.B lays it all on the line" Edition

A lot of self-evaluation has been done lately regarding a very controversial topic in the news. My final impressions are consistent with the vague opinions I have held for a long time. I've taken a second look at the opinions of those around me and had to teach myself to accept and love those who feel differently than I do about this subject. After all, if I lump everyone with common beliefs into my observations I am doing the very same thing that I am upset over other people doing. First and foremost I struggle to remember that everyone is different and has a right to their opinion.

That said, I've decided to step out of my comfort zone and share how I feel. I know that all the people in my life will have varied opinions on my topic here and please understand that any of the venting that sneaks its way into my post here aren't meant as an attack on anyone who is aware of who I am in real life. And I respect that not all of you will agree with my views either, and that's okay.

Growing up, I bounced around a couple of different religions as my parents worked towards finding a point in their lives where they felt complete. Although my family's religious "title" changed from time to time, the lessons I was taught as a child were consistent.

Jesus is love/perfect. We must try to be like Him.

Judge not, lest ye be judged.

Love one another.

---basic Christian beliefs that are, from what I understand (and feel free to correct me if I'm wrong!) somewhat universal in Christian religions.

I live in a area of the world that has a very high population of individuals that have grown up with these same values and beliefs. In fact, our region is often well associated with a specific religion, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, or "Mormons". Some of the most amazing people I know are Mormons. I am a Mormon. Baptized at age 11 and actively attending on and off as I grew up. That being said, out of the last 12 years of my life I've only been an active member for 2. Two years out of twelve. I've tried to motivate myself to attend services. Struggled to find my niche within the organization. But I've finally come to the conclusion that this isn't going to happen for me at any point in the near (and possibly far) future. I don't feel like I'm in the right place when I'm there. I don't miss being there. Don't want to be there. All the the lessons I was taught as I grew up run through my head when I try to evaluate why it is that I avoid attending my weekly meetings. It usually boils down to feeling guilty about 'something'. I don't even know what I feel guilty about, per say! I'm not a bad person. My life-style, aside from avoiding church and having a potty mouth a sailor would be proud of, is the same as when I was 'active'. I don't drink. I don't smoke. I don't use illegal substances. I lead an amazingly average life. No wild child here. I still love the gospel. I just don't love church. And yes, contrary to what some extremists have told me, that is possible.

But I digress. I didn't start this post to share my feelings about "The Church", as its called in these parts. There is a more important topic that I've been meaning to blog about for quite some time. Recent events might seem to have influenced this sudden urge to share, but rest assured that I held these views LONG before I realized how vitally they could impact my life, average as it is. I think I got sidetracked because my topic has been connected so closely to The Church in the media lately.

I want to address my views on homosexuality.

*gasp*
"Ms.B! A serious topic on your board? Dare I even read any further? !!! ??? !!!"

You don't have to. You can click the little X in the corner of the screen here, or rush off to a safely bookmarked page at any time. I promise I will respect that decision. Perhaps you, like me for so long, are happy in your bubble of safety and like to pretend that there isn't much drama in the world. So many issues have been publicized about this topic lately. And most views are extremely biased. You are either "for" or "against" gay marriage. Now, now. I know many readers are probably saying "Oh, I'm not against gay people." But I have a few stories to share, a test of sorts, if you don't mind. You don't have to write down the answers. Don't even feel you have to share them out loud with anyone. Just think about your honest responses/opinion and possibly learn something about yourself in the process.

A Mormon co-worker of mine has said a few things lately that really bother me. No, I don't think his views are a direct representation of The Church and what every member there stands for. Me mentioning his religious affiliation isn't meant to convey that. But it is his background. A conversation we had this very morning stands out to me a LOT!

Co-worker: I missed out on seeing all the smooching today.

Ms.B: Smooching? What on earth? (Honestly at this point I wondered if he was going down an awkward topic-path that H.R. would need to be told about later on. HA!)

Co-worker: Didn't you hear about those two gays who were caught kissing at Temple Square?

At this point he showed me the article about the protesters who were angry that the men were asked to stop showing major signs of affection while on private property.

I shared my opinion that while I respected the two men and their right to love one another, I thought they shouldn't have verbally abused the cops and representatives of the people who owned the property they were on. After all, if you aren't in a public place, I expect that folks should always respect the wishes of the private owner(s) of the place where you are. I don't care if this place is a church, garden, store, bus... whatever. RESPECT, people. Those men deserved to be asked to leave. NOT because they were gay. That had nothing to do with it. They were acting in a way that was viewed as inappropriate in a place that was NOT public property and should have respected the rules there. Had I been a gay person, I'd have been disappointed that others with my same life-situation had represented me in that manner.

The conversation this co-worker and I had during the following few minutes included the following phrases:

Co-worker: I don't have anything against the gays. They can do whatever they want as long as they don't rub it in my face. I mean, I have an uncle who is gay and I allow him to be around my kids! It's fine. I get along with Ryan and he's flaming gay! And DH has his tranny-brother or whatever you want to call it...

Ms.B: Sister. His sister.

Co-worker: Like I said, whatever you want to call IT.


Call me crazy but I didn't get the vibe that he actually "didn't have anything against 'the gays'" from this conversation.

It made me wonder how many other people out in the world talk the talk but don't walk the walk. I am 100% confident that people that I absolutely adore must feel the same way and not even realize it. They SAY what they think they SHOULD say, if they want to feel Christ-like. But their real opinion is obviously that people who happen to be gay are only to be "allowed around their children". That they are "its" instead of "hims" and "hers".

To all who subliminally agree with my co-worker, I have to ask: Do you really think being gay is contagious? Do you think that if you "allow" someone who is gay to be around your children they are going to catch some sort of "Gay Bug"? Are those who happen to love someone of the same gender really "lesser people"? Are they incapable of feeling emotions like you do? Do you think its easy for them to give up all the "safety nets" that a heterosexual couple have and let the world know how they truly feel?

I would HOPE that most people in the world would answer "no" to these questions. Answer no, and really mean it.

I'm not trying to tell you to suddenly decide topics like "Gay Marriage" are great and that we should all link hands and sing Kumbaya. It would be a jolly good time if we could, but it will never happen. I try to respect other people feelings on things, after all. Agree to disagree.

But I have to say that I am frustrated as hell that my sister-in law on DH's side of the family and my very own newly un-closeted sister will have to struggle against a lot of biased opinions that relegate them to second-class citizenship. They have a right to be commited to the one they love. To have health coverage (I'm so proud that my current employer will cover 'Life Partners'!). To have all the tax perks that married people do.

I don't CARE what its called. Marriage. Civil Union. Whatever. It's too bad that we can't all be treated equally without government or religion stepping in to say that this can or can't happen. Isn't it all about freedom of choice?

To toss a religious spin on it, shouldn't it be all peoples' choice to choose who we marry? Not to have someone else's values and what they think is right and wrong dictate what you can and can't do? (Within the law, of course. Murder is NEVER a great thing, regardless of what religion you are. Oye.)

I was taught a story as a child. It's replayed in my head a lot lately and I find the topic interesting. It has a Mormon spin on it, of course, so if you are not religious just try to catch the vibe of the message without feeling I am spouting religion at ya, okies? Thank you.

Latter-day Saints believe that God is our Father in Heaven. Before we came to this world, we all lived as spirits under his care and guidance. We believe that God begat or created the spirits of Jesus, Lucifer, and all of the human family as his children. Our Heavenly Father is literally the father of our spirits. Jesus Christ is considered the preeminent "firstborn" or "firstbegotten".

Lucifer, who was never a member of the Godhead like Jesus, rebelled against God, and was forever cast out. He became Satan, our adversary. Unlike Jesus or us, Lucifer will never be born into a physical body.

Latter-day Saint scriptures summarize this issue as follows:
In the beginning, when all of our spirits were still in Heaven, there were two men that stepped forward and were ready and willing to lead God's people here on earth. Lucifer wanted to come down and control everyone. To force us to do what God thought was right. Not ONE spirit would be allowed to go astray. But instead it was Jesus who was chosen as a leader to come down and be an example to us all. To come and love us and give us the right to make our own decisions and learn from our mistakes as we go throughout life.

Lucifer, who rebelled because he wasn't given the control he wanted, was cast out and is now the entity we know as "Satan".

We were supposed to have the right to choose our own path (and be accountable for our decisions in the end) without church & government some outside force stepping in and ordering us to do things the way they thought we should.

So, as rebellious as I am now in my non-church-attending ways, I am going to cling to those lessons I learned as a child. Do what I can to, like my parents, find that point in life where I feel complete.

I can never be perfect. No one can. We can only do our best in our quest to feel self-worth. I am not going to judge people who's life-styles are different from mine. I'll leave that to Jesus when the time comes. I am going to try to 'love one another'. Try to understand and respect other people's views and hope they will do the same for me and everyone else out there in this crazy world we live in.


Ms.B