Whirlwind

Although boring to talk about, I've always enjoyed the low-key lifestyle I lead. Months can go by between visits with friends and when we at last get together there isn't much to catch up on. To some, this would be horribly dull, but to me its comfortable.

And so it is that I find myself a bit overwhelmed by the 'action packed' month I've just had.

The week following my birthday was quiet. Not much going on. Peaceful. A good thing. Days later I received a phone call that I wasn't ready for.

"Your Grandma is sick."

A trip to the hospital about a sore foot turned into a discovery of lung cancer that had spread through her entire body. Doctors gave her "10 days to 2 months" to live. In the end it was closer to 10 days than 2 months.

The irony of the situation is that for the past year I've been slowly preparing myself mentally for the grandma on my fathers side of the family to pass away. She is 92 years old and has been going down hill for quite some time. That my young (87 years of age), spry grandma was gone hit much harder for some reason. She passed away on November 1st, which was a Thursday. I took leave from work for that day, managed to force myself to go on Friday, then spent the whole weekend in a fog. I don't really remember much about it except that I was extremely depressed. Money is tight at the Haven and I didn't think we could afford to fly me out for the service. And her passing was so fast. Granted, she smoked her entire life and that cancer waited to take her until her 87th year was probably a blessing, but still, I wasn't emotionally prepared.

All my years growing up I dreamed of living in Orlando. Every visit we took there, I'd step off the plane and breath in that humid air and just get dizzy with happiness. I always felt so peaceful and at HOME then. Even in recent years, married and happily settling into our own home the idea still haunted me. Part of it was the idea of escaping the cold winters of the Rockies, I know. But an important part of this was that I would be able to get to know my grandparents more. To learn about them and see them as real people and not just the token grandparents that lived too far away to visit. With Grandma gone, my secret dream was destroyed.

That next Monday I gathered myself together and again went to work. As I settled into my desk, my boss asked me if I was okay. Tears welled in my eyes and I explained that yes, I was a little better, and that after Tuesday's memorial service had passed I would be MUCH better. He seemed to understand how I was feeling. I know that his own grandfather passed a short while ago and perhaps he had some empathy for me.

Minutes later my phone rang. It was my DH.

"I think we can afford to fly to Orlando for the funeral. I really think you need to go!"

The words sunk in rather slowly and I started rationalizing with him that it was expensive, and the animals would have no one to watch them. He kept explaining how it could all work out and in the end I was so emotionally overwhelmed that I gave in. My boss gave me permission to leave so I quickly tied up some loose ends in the office and hopped back into my car. It's a 30 minute drive to and from work each day so I had some time to process what we were doing.

DH found a discounted set of plane tickets online and I arranged with my Daddy for my 18-year old baby sister to house-sit for us while we were gone. She was fine with that idea since it gave her an excuse to take a day off from school. I arrived home, frantically threw a change of clothes and a dress into a suitcase and we were off to the airport. We arrived in Orlando that night shortly after 11 o'clock p.m. local time. As I stepped off the plane I again breathed in that sweet air and the feelings of being 'home' again overwhelmed me. We taxied to the hotel where my mother had booked us a room, and collapsed into our bed.

We attended the services (which were lovely) on Tuesday and had a chance to visit with family. I met my Aunt Nancy for the first time and got a chance to visit with her during a dinner at Red Lobster. It's always been strange to me that I had an aunt and cousins that I had never met. I briefly chatted with Nancy's two daughters who were also there. But what do you really say to a woman in her 40s who happens to be your cousin though you'd never have known it if you passed her on the street? All I could do was smile, shake hands, and say "Nice to finally meet you."

On my father's side of the family I know every cousin. I know most of their spouses names... and I know, roughly, how many children they each have. I grew up attending family reunions where I saw all these people and got to know them quite well. My mother's side of the family was always somewhat of a mystery to me. Far away... just names, not faces.

We went to bed early that evening and woke at 5:30 a.m. to head back to the airport for the trip home. There was no time for further visits with family. No time for a quick trip to any of the local theme parks. The trip was completely about my wonderful grandmother. And in the end I am so incredibly grateful that we went. It's a memory that I could never ever replace, and it brought me closure. It has helped my heart heal.



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The visit also opened up a whole new can of worms for us here at the Haven. My DH saw the look in my eyes when we landed at the airport. He felt the longing inside of me during the entire visit. That Tuesday evening as we settled in for bed to prepare for our flight home he told me that he thought he might enjoy living in Orlando, Florida very much.

My heart about swelled out of my chest when those words left his lips.

Ever since we arrived home we have been assessing our situation and deciding what we need and don't need to keep. We've started going through the last areas of the Haven that were never quite unpacked and really focusing on the idea that we don't need most of the stuff that we haven't bothered unpacking after an entire year.

We've looked up the cost of homes in the Orlando area and are researching the job market. The DH has even contacted our realtor and our tax man about penalties and fees when selling our home. Turns out there are none if we can prove we are moving out of state and weren't just "flipping" the house for profit. With the market in our area very VERY HOT right now there is a possibility that we could make about $20-30,000 in equity from this past year since we bought the place. That would definitely pay for a move cross-country and give us a down-payment on a new home.

The idea that we could really go in the near future has my brain turned to mush. I've been wondering if we could be out there as early as May of 2008. DH called me this morning here at work and said he had looked up the prices of renting a truck to haul our stuff in vs. hiring a company that would move it for us. He also said he thought we could move as early as March. "Apparently I'm seeing this happen sooner than you are!", he said.

Isn't this supposed to be MY dream? I think he might be even more excited than I am.


Ms.B