I am not sure if it is fear, foreboding, laziness, or homesickness setting in, but I am starting to become rather scared at the idea of moving cross country. I've done some research and it is possible we really could do it. But at the same time, I'd miss my family and what if I really hated being there? Thank goodness we're not making a fast decision. We won't go anywhere unless we are positive that it is the right place for us.
But how could I be so excited one moment and then so cautious the next? It's strange.
Could I really give up on my dreams so quickly when they are finally able to come true?
Or is it cold feet?
Ms.B
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Monday, November 12, 2007
Bistro?
A strange site met my eyes as I entered the McDonalds Restaurant. Antique furniture? Chandeliers? A sign saying there were billiards and games upstairs? Food choices like "Create your own pasta" and "Gourmet Cakes and Pies"?
What strange sort of land was I in?
Of course, we were just looking for a quick breakfast so McMuffins and juice were fine by me.
But when did McDonalds become gourmet?
What strange sort of land was I in?
Of course, we were just looking for a quick breakfast so McMuffins and juice were fine by me.
But when did McDonalds become gourmet?
The Heavenly Sky
For the record, I am NOT a happy flyer. Airplanes make me sick.
Blah.
A good book for distraction does help though... And when I take four flights in three days, the last two are a tad easier. Even if they are carrying you away from warmth and sunshine and leading you to cold, bitter winter.
But Blah.
Blah.
A good book for distraction does help though... And when I take four flights in three days, the last two are a tad easier. Even if they are carrying you away from warmth and sunshine and leading you to cold, bitter winter.
But Blah.
Whirlwind
Although boring to talk about, I've always enjoyed the low-key lifestyle I lead. Months can go by between visits with friends and when we at last get together there isn't much to catch up on. To some, this would be horribly dull, but to me its comfortable.
And so it is that I find myself a bit overwhelmed by the 'action packed' month I've just had.
The week following my birthday was quiet. Not much going on. Peaceful. A good thing. Days later I received a phone call that I wasn't ready for.
"Your Grandma is sick."
A trip to the hospital about a sore foot turned into a discovery of lung cancer that had spread through her entire body. Doctors gave her "10 days to 2 months" to live. In the end it was closer to 10 days than 2 months.
The irony of the situation is that for the past year I've been slowly preparing myself mentally for the grandma on my fathers side of the family to pass away. She is 92 years old and has been going down hill for quite some time. That my young (87 years of age), spry grandma was gone hit much harder for some reason. She passed away on November 1st, which was a Thursday. I took leave from work for that day, managed to force myself to go on Friday, then spent the whole weekend in a fog. I don't really remember much about it except that I was extremely depressed. Money is tight at the Haven and I didn't think we could afford to fly me out for the service. And her passing was so fast. Granted, she smoked her entire life and that cancer waited to take her until her 87th year was probably a blessing, but still, I wasn't emotionally prepared.
All my years growing up I dreamed of living in Orlando. Every visit we took there, I'd step off the plane and breath in that humid air and just get dizzy with happiness. I always felt so peaceful and at HOME then. Even in recent years, married and happily settling into our own home the idea still haunted me. Part of it was the idea of escaping the cold winters of the Rockies, I know. But an important part of this was that I would be able to get to know my grandparents more. To learn about them and see them as real people and not just the token grandparents that lived too far away to visit. With Grandma gone, my secret dream was destroyed.
That next Monday I gathered myself together and again went to work. As I settled into my desk, my boss asked me if I was okay. Tears welled in my eyes and I explained that yes, I was a little better, and that after Tuesday's memorial service had passed I would be MUCH better. He seemed to understand how I was feeling. I know that his own grandfather passed a short while ago and perhaps he had some empathy for me.
Minutes later my phone rang. It was my DH.
"I think we can afford to fly to Orlando for the funeral. I really think you need to go!"
The words sunk in rather slowly and I started rationalizing with him that it was expensive, and the animals would have no one to watch them. He kept explaining how it could all work out and in the end I was so emotionally overwhelmed that I gave in. My boss gave me permission to leave so I quickly tied up some loose ends in the office and hopped back into my car. It's a 30 minute drive to and from work each day so I had some time to process what we were doing.
DH found a discounted set of plane tickets online and I arranged with my Daddy for my 18-year old baby sister to house-sit for us while we were gone. She was fine with that idea since it gave her an excuse to take a day off from school. I arrived home, frantically threw a change of clothes and a dress into a suitcase and we were off to the airport. We arrived in Orlando that night shortly after 11 o'clock p.m. local time. As I stepped off the plane I again breathed in that sweet air and the feelings of being 'home' again overwhelmed me. We taxied to the hotel where my mother had booked us a room, and collapsed into our bed.
We attended the services (which were lovely) on Tuesday and had a chance to visit with family. I met my Aunt Nancy for the first time and got a chance to visit with her during a dinner at Red Lobster. It's always been strange to me that I had an aunt and cousins that I had never met. I briefly chatted with Nancy's two daughters who were also there. But what do you really say to a woman in her 40s who happens to be your cousin though you'd never have known it if you passed her on the street? All I could do was smile, shake hands, and say "Nice to finally meet you."
On my father's side of the family I know every cousin. I know most of their spouses names... and I know, roughly, how many children they each have. I grew up attending family reunions where I saw all these people and got to know them quite well. My mother's side of the family was always somewhat of a mystery to me. Far away... just names, not faces.
We went to bed early that evening and woke at 5:30 a.m. to head back to the airport for the trip home. There was no time for further visits with family. No time for a quick trip to any of the local theme parks. The trip was completely about my wonderful grandmother. And in the end I am so incredibly grateful that we went. It's a memory that I could never ever replace, and it brought me closure. It has helped my heart heal.
*************************
The visit also opened up a whole new can of worms for us here at the Haven. My DH saw the look in my eyes when we landed at the airport. He felt the longing inside of me during the entire visit. That Tuesday evening as we settled in for bed to prepare for our flight home he told me that he thought he might enjoy living in Orlando, Florida very much.
My heart about swelled out of my chest when those words left his lips.
Ever since we arrived home we have been assessing our situation and deciding what we need and don't need to keep. We've started going through the last areas of the Haven that were never quite unpacked and really focusing on the idea that we don't need most of the stuff that we haven't bothered unpacking after an entire year.
We've looked up the cost of homes in the Orlando area and are researching the job market. The DH has even contacted our realtor and our tax man about penalties and fees when selling our home. Turns out there are none if we can prove we are moving out of state and weren't just "flipping" the house for profit. With the market in our area very VERY HOT right now there is a possibility that we could make about $20-30,000 in equity from this past year since we bought the place. That would definitely pay for a move cross-country and give us a down-payment on a new home.
The idea that we could really go in the near future has my brain turned to mush. I've been wondering if we could be out there as early as May of 2008. DH called me this morning here at work and said he had looked up the prices of renting a truck to haul our stuff in vs. hiring a company that would move it for us. He also said he thought we could move as early as March. "Apparently I'm seeing this happen sooner than you are!", he said.
Isn't this supposed to be MY dream? I think he might be even more excited than I am.
Ms.B
And so it is that I find myself a bit overwhelmed by the 'action packed' month I've just had.
The week following my birthday was quiet. Not much going on. Peaceful. A good thing. Days later I received a phone call that I wasn't ready for.
"Your Grandma is sick."
A trip to the hospital about a sore foot turned into a discovery of lung cancer that had spread through her entire body. Doctors gave her "10 days to 2 months" to live. In the end it was closer to 10 days than 2 months.
The irony of the situation is that for the past year I've been slowly preparing myself mentally for the grandma on my fathers side of the family to pass away. She is 92 years old and has been going down hill for quite some time. That my young (87 years of age), spry grandma was gone hit much harder for some reason. She passed away on November 1st, which was a Thursday. I took leave from work for that day, managed to force myself to go on Friday, then spent the whole weekend in a fog. I don't really remember much about it except that I was extremely depressed. Money is tight at the Haven and I didn't think we could afford to fly me out for the service. And her passing was so fast. Granted, she smoked her entire life and that cancer waited to take her until her 87th year was probably a blessing, but still, I wasn't emotionally prepared.
All my years growing up I dreamed of living in Orlando. Every visit we took there, I'd step off the plane and breath in that humid air and just get dizzy with happiness. I always felt so peaceful and at HOME then. Even in recent years, married and happily settling into our own home the idea still haunted me. Part of it was the idea of escaping the cold winters of the Rockies, I know. But an important part of this was that I would be able to get to know my grandparents more. To learn about them and see them as real people and not just the token grandparents that lived too far away to visit. With Grandma gone, my secret dream was destroyed.
That next Monday I gathered myself together and again went to work. As I settled into my desk, my boss asked me if I was okay. Tears welled in my eyes and I explained that yes, I was a little better, and that after Tuesday's memorial service had passed I would be MUCH better. He seemed to understand how I was feeling. I know that his own grandfather passed a short while ago and perhaps he had some empathy for me.
Minutes later my phone rang. It was my DH.
"I think we can afford to fly to Orlando for the funeral. I really think you need to go!"
The words sunk in rather slowly and I started rationalizing with him that it was expensive, and the animals would have no one to watch them. He kept explaining how it could all work out and in the end I was so emotionally overwhelmed that I gave in. My boss gave me permission to leave so I quickly tied up some loose ends in the office and hopped back into my car. It's a 30 minute drive to and from work each day so I had some time to process what we were doing.
DH found a discounted set of plane tickets online and I arranged with my Daddy for my 18-year old baby sister to house-sit for us while we were gone. She was fine with that idea since it gave her an excuse to take a day off from school. I arrived home, frantically threw a change of clothes and a dress into a suitcase and we were off to the airport. We arrived in Orlando that night shortly after 11 o'clock p.m. local time. As I stepped off the plane I again breathed in that sweet air and the feelings of being 'home' again overwhelmed me. We taxied to the hotel where my mother had booked us a room, and collapsed into our bed.
We attended the services (which were lovely) on Tuesday and had a chance to visit with family. I met my Aunt Nancy for the first time and got a chance to visit with her during a dinner at Red Lobster. It's always been strange to me that I had an aunt and cousins that I had never met. I briefly chatted with Nancy's two daughters who were also there. But what do you really say to a woman in her 40s who happens to be your cousin though you'd never have known it if you passed her on the street? All I could do was smile, shake hands, and say "Nice to finally meet you."
On my father's side of the family I know every cousin. I know most of their spouses names... and I know, roughly, how many children they each have. I grew up attending family reunions where I saw all these people and got to know them quite well. My mother's side of the family was always somewhat of a mystery to me. Far away... just names, not faces.
We went to bed early that evening and woke at 5:30 a.m. to head back to the airport for the trip home. There was no time for further visits with family. No time for a quick trip to any of the local theme parks. The trip was completely about my wonderful grandmother. And in the end I am so incredibly grateful that we went. It's a memory that I could never ever replace, and it brought me closure. It has helped my heart heal.
*************************
The visit also opened up a whole new can of worms for us here at the Haven. My DH saw the look in my eyes when we landed at the airport. He felt the longing inside of me during the entire visit. That Tuesday evening as we settled in for bed to prepare for our flight home he told me that he thought he might enjoy living in Orlando, Florida very much.
My heart about swelled out of my chest when those words left his lips.
Ever since we arrived home we have been assessing our situation and deciding what we need and don't need to keep. We've started going through the last areas of the Haven that were never quite unpacked and really focusing on the idea that we don't need most of the stuff that we haven't bothered unpacking after an entire year.
We've looked up the cost of homes in the Orlando area and are researching the job market. The DH has even contacted our realtor and our tax man about penalties and fees when selling our home. Turns out there are none if we can prove we are moving out of state and weren't just "flipping" the house for profit. With the market in our area very VERY HOT right now there is a possibility that we could make about $20-30,000 in equity from this past year since we bought the place. That would definitely pay for a move cross-country and give us a down-payment on a new home.
The idea that we could really go in the near future has my brain turned to mush. I've been wondering if we could be out there as early as May of 2008. DH called me this morning here at work and said he had looked up the prices of renting a truck to haul our stuff in vs. hiring a company that would move it for us. He also said he thought we could move as early as March. "Apparently I'm seeing this happen sooner than you are!", he said.
Isn't this supposed to be MY dream? I think he might be even more excited than I am.
Ms.B
Thursday, October 18, 2007
!!!
I just occurred to me that my prior post is made on 10-18, AT 10:18 a.m.
Kinda... creepy? Or cool. Yes, very very cool. I assure you that I didn't plan that.
*insert ominous music here*
Kinda... creepy? Or cool. Yes, very very cool. I assure you that I didn't plan that.
*insert ominous music here*
Happy Birthday to Me!
I want a cake. A gigantic cake. With all 30 candles on it.
That's what I want.
Ms.B
That's what I want.
Ms.B
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
I am Woman, Hear me Roar
I was in the Jimmy, almost out of the parking lot yesterday before it dawned on me that Worm Girl, who I had walked out of the building with, was now standing by her car looking rather dejected. I rolled down the window and asked if she was okay. Apparently she had left her lights on and her battery was now dead.
Oh no!
Feeling a little apprehensive, I pulled into the space beside hers and we both opened our hoods. Then I retrieved my jumper cables.
Although we had the cables, I had never been the one to actually attach them and make another car "go". With all the courage we could muster we put positive to positive and negative to negative on our respective batteries and then, crossing our fingers, we started her car.
"Vroooom!", it said.
Never were two girls so proud of themselves. *preen*
Maybe some day we'll be brave enough to tackle a flat tire!
Oh no!
Feeling a little apprehensive, I pulled into the space beside hers and we both opened our hoods. Then I retrieved my jumper cables.
Although we had the cables, I had never been the one to actually attach them and make another car "go". With all the courage we could muster we put positive to positive and negative to negative on our respective batteries and then, crossing our fingers, we started her car.
"Vroooom!", it said.
Never were two girls so proud of themselves. *preen*
Maybe some day we'll be brave enough to tackle a flat tire!
My last day
After today I officially leave my 20s behind. Although its not REALLY a huge deal, it is still fascinating to me. Tomorrow I am 30. THIRTY!! That starts with a 3. Not a 2. It's three decades. It means I am really an adult. Even if I wasn't married with a house and 6 small fur-burgers I'd still be an adult.
*sigh*
I think I will rebel and start acting like a teenager again. I never really did become naughty as a child. I was always behaved. If I don't have a crisis now, I won't get one til Mid-Life and that's just not fair, dammit!!
*sigh*
I think I will rebel and start acting like a teenager again. I never really did become naughty as a child. I was always behaved. If I don't have a crisis now, I won't get one til Mid-Life and that's just not fair, dammit!!
When Gossip Backfires
Every few days, the new dietary manager plops down in our office for a chat. He's a decent enough guy. Worked here at the care center about 18 years ago as a cook before marrying one of the caseworkers and moving on with his life. Fate led him back to us when Mr. PBM needed to be replaced and he's settled back into routine, now as the boss, and is doing well.
He enjoys our office because we are a friendly bunch. He is always telling me stories about his ex-wife, friends, daughter, childhood, etc. etc. etc...
Having worked here many years ago, he happens to have a few juicy stories about old staff members that he can tell as well.
And thus it was that yesterday he told me about a prior (married) employee that had enjoyed many a steamy affair with some of his old co-workers in the kitchen. Of course the names of these people rolled off his tongue with little effort and he was enjoying sharing the scandals.
It was not until he had finished his tale that I pointed out that one of the adulterous men in his story had married the SISTER of the woman he had the affair with. And that another of the woman's sisters now worked in our business office... and was married to a brother of that same man! Sisters married to brothers. How cute is that? (If you don't know the sordid back-history?) I also updated him on the fact that all three daughters of the woman who had this steamy affair now worked on the same shift here and it might be in his best interest to not share that story with anyone else.
Thank goodness I'm the only one he talked to. Double thank goodness I am not likely to repeat it... except, of course, on my blog where, blissfully, I am anonymous.
I wonder if he would have blabbed about this if he realized I knew nearly every single person he was talking about.
Ms.B
He enjoys our office because we are a friendly bunch. He is always telling me stories about his ex-wife, friends, daughter, childhood, etc. etc. etc...
Having worked here many years ago, he happens to have a few juicy stories about old staff members that he can tell as well.
And thus it was that yesterday he told me about a prior (married) employee that had enjoyed many a steamy affair with some of his old co-workers in the kitchen. Of course the names of these people rolled off his tongue with little effort and he was enjoying sharing the scandals.
It was not until he had finished his tale that I pointed out that one of the adulterous men in his story had married the SISTER of the woman he had the affair with. And that another of the woman's sisters now worked in our business office... and was married to a brother of that same man! Sisters married to brothers. How cute is that? (If you don't know the sordid back-history?) I also updated him on the fact that all three daughters of the woman who had this steamy affair now worked on the same shift here and it might be in his best interest to not share that story with anyone else.
Thank goodness I'm the only one he talked to. Double thank goodness I am not likely to repeat it... except, of course, on my blog where, blissfully, I am anonymous.
I wonder if he would have blabbed about this if he realized I knew nearly every single person he was talking about.
Ms.B
Monday, October 15, 2007
Sweet Memories
Sissy, Spooky, Fluffy (the 1st), Patches, Shiner, Sunny, Spunky...
My childhood was full of pets that stayed a while and then eventually were gone. Sissy the shephard mix stayed in Wyoming when my family moved out of state. She eventually died of tumors. Spooky, the black cat, had a run in with some nasty dogs. Fluffy had to go away when we temporarily shared a home with a family who's father was allergic to cats. Patches vanished a couple of years after we got him. My parents insist they did nothing to encourage the exit. He simply went away... Shiner was stolen out of our yard. Sunny and Spunky were very naughty puppies and went to "live on the farm" one day. Oh my!
But Jazz. Little Jazz. She was the 'lifer'. The long-term pet of the Turner family. The pups I had growing up were all mix breeds and I really didn't know much about purebred canines other than to recognize a Dalmation or Collie. When my parents came home with a little white and black poofball one day I thought it was a cat.
"What's a 'Pomeranian'?" I asked them.
Jazz quickly fell into her routine with our family. She was our friend, companion, and doorbell. Barked her brains out if she even thought she saw a shadow outside the front window near our door. But between her 'loud' (and annoying as hell) moments she was so sweet and loving. Instinctively she understood when we were in need of comfort. She knew when to leave us alone. She knew when we dropped a french fry on the floor. I suppose she was our vacuum too. If ever we dropped any food we knew "Jazz will get it!"
She passed away last year at fifteen years of age. My parents decided there would not be any new pets. They say the decision was made because they didn't want responsibilities but I suspect they don't think they could really replace her.
Time brings comfort and the lingering happy memories. I have a band of pets of my own that take up all my attention. But when a co-worker brought in her brand new (black) Pomeranian pup last week my heart went pitty pat and all my emotions and love for Jazz came flooding back.
Happy tears in my eyes.
Ms.B
My childhood was full of pets that stayed a while and then eventually were gone. Sissy the shephard mix stayed in Wyoming when my family moved out of state. She eventually died of tumors. Spooky, the black cat, had a run in with some nasty dogs. Fluffy had to go away when we temporarily shared a home with a family who's father was allergic to cats. Patches vanished a couple of years after we got him. My parents insist they did nothing to encourage the exit. He simply went away... Shiner was stolen out of our yard. Sunny and Spunky were very naughty puppies and went to "live on the farm" one day. Oh my!
But Jazz. Little Jazz. She was the 'lifer'. The long-term pet of the Turner family. The pups I had growing up were all mix breeds and I really didn't know much about purebred canines other than to recognize a Dalmation or Collie. When my parents came home with a little white and black poofball one day I thought it was a cat.
"What's a 'Pomeranian'?" I asked them.
Jazz quickly fell into her routine with our family. She was our friend, companion, and doorbell. Barked her brains out if she even thought she saw a shadow outside the front window near our door. But between her 'loud' (and annoying as hell) moments she was so sweet and loving. Instinctively she understood when we were in need of comfort. She knew when to leave us alone. She knew when we dropped a french fry on the floor. I suppose she was our vacuum too. If ever we dropped any food we knew "Jazz will get it!"
She passed away last year at fifteen years of age. My parents decided there would not be any new pets. They say the decision was made because they didn't want responsibilities but I suspect they don't think they could really replace her.
Time brings comfort and the lingering happy memories. I have a band of pets of my own that take up all my attention. But when a co-worker brought in her brand new (black) Pomeranian pup last week my heart went pitty pat and all my emotions and love for Jazz came flooding back.
Happy tears in my eyes.
Ms.B
Friday, October 5, 2007
Eat your heart out Mastercard
Buying your wife a Clone A Willy for her birthday: $40.
Shipping: $5.
Mistakenly having it shipped to your old address: Priceless.
...........................................
The DH had to come clean about one of my birthday presents...
Of all the times to send a 'package' to the wrong place.
Ms.B
Shipping: $5.
Mistakenly having it shipped to your old address: Priceless.
...........................................
The DH had to come clean about one of my birthday presents...
Of all the times to send a 'package' to the wrong place.
Ms.B
Wednesday, October 3, 2007
How did I miss it before?
Everyday.
Everyday I pass the water towers.
Twice!
Once on the way to work.
Once on the way home.
It wasn't until today that I realized.
They look like a pair of giant breasts.
How did I not realize this before now?
Ms.B
Everyday I pass the water towers.
Twice!
Once on the way to work.
Once on the way home.
It wasn't until today that I realized.
They look like a pair of giant breasts.
How did I not realize this before now?
Ms.B
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