The DH was in a silly mood. He ran around the room making "Weeeeee" sounds and riling up the dogs into a barking frenzy. I sarcastically told him that he was 'nuts' and that the neighbors could probably see him through the window. He glanced at the front window, which, though open, was semi-blocked by our Christmas Tree. Knowing that no one could see him through the tree, he dropped his pants and started jiggling and wiggling, his 'goodies' flapping to and fro.
My mouth hung open in shock and bemused horror.
It wasn't until his pants were once again pulled up that I pointed out to him that the window on the side of our house was wide open and visible to about three of our neighbors homes.
The horror!
Ms.B
Sunday, December 16, 2007
Saturday, December 15, 2007
Can't sleep
I wonder why it is that Friday nights are challenging when it comes to bedtime. For the past few weeks the clock has ticked away with no Ms.Behaved in her bed. Maybe I just don't want the weekend to begin... because then it will end. Friday nights are far to short.
Damn.
Ms.B
Damn.
Ms.B
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Mr. G's Nuts
Wednesday afternoons are the designated time for the weekly management staff meetings at the care center. Recent developments, upcoming events and resolutions are discussed with enthusiasm and vigor. Most weeks I manage to stay awake through it.
Today's meeting ended on a high note.
Mischief: Do we want to hold our behavior team meeting the Friday before Christmas?
Director of Nursing: NO!
*all those in attendance snicker at the swift response of the DoN*
Program Director: DoN wants to get out of a meeting, I can tell.
Mischief: The only reason I ask is that Dr.G (the psychologist) has a tradition of bringing a can of nuts to share with the staff during that meeting. We discuss our topics and the nuts are passed around the table and fingered by all the staff!
*all those in attendance snicker because Mischief said "fingered" in meeting*
Then came the zinger.
Program Director: If we could all avoid fingering Dr.G's nuts, it would be appreciated.
........
High fives were given. Eyes were full of tears. It took a good three minutes for the belly laughs to stop. Then the assistant administrator said she couldn't get the visual out of her head and we all cracked up all over again.
Ms.B
Today's meeting ended on a high note.
Mischief: Do we want to hold our behavior team meeting the Friday before Christmas?
Director of Nursing: NO!
*all those in attendance snicker at the swift response of the DoN*
Program Director: DoN wants to get out of a meeting, I can tell.
Mischief: The only reason I ask is that Dr.G (the psychologist) has a tradition of bringing a can of nuts to share with the staff during that meeting. We discuss our topics and the nuts are passed around the table and fingered by all the staff!
*all those in attendance snicker because Mischief said "fingered" in meeting*
Then came the zinger.
Program Director: If we could all avoid fingering Dr.G's nuts, it would be appreciated.
........
High fives were given. Eyes were full of tears. It took a good three minutes for the belly laughs to stop. Then the assistant administrator said she couldn't get the visual out of her head and we all cracked up all over again.
Ms.B
Monday, December 10, 2007
I like her
When the DH first begged me to bring her home I was annoyed. I thought we had PLENTY of pets already and I could not fathom the idea of another furry critter running around. She was feisty and high maintenance for the first few weeks. The desire to bond with her was non-existant.
But somehow, as time has gone by, she's mellowed out and she's really quite sweet now.
And she thinks she's a dog. Even sleeps at my feet.
Strange Conversations
One of the Housekeeping staff at the Care Center adores my pug. Every time she sees me I know exactly what she'll say:
How is my, er, I mean YOUR dog?
A few days ago she caught me off guard though.
How is your dog? I want to take him home and spend the night with him. I like him better than my husband.
I know she
Perhaps I didn't realize how much she really does like him!
Love Men Who Can Sing
Some people say that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. The way to a woman's heart isn't so obvious, though many would probably say money.
The way to Ms.Behaved's heart is to sing like an angel--- and look hot while doing it. There is a new DVD rental option sweeping the nation called "Red Box". While at the grocery store last weekend the DH and I stopped at the kiosk and perused the videos available there. He picked "Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer" and I chose "Hairspray".
Watching the video did two things. It has turned my DH into a "Hairspray" fanatic. And it has me crushing madly on James Marsden. The man can sing. He did nothing for me in "X-Men" (He played Cyclops, for the record.). And I can't even recall his character in "The Notebook". But the guy opened his mouth and sang a pretty tune in a musical and my heart went pitty pat!
*swoon*
DH, I know you read this. I hope its okay if I have a mad crush on some random Hollywood type that is married with children. If you will pardon me my indiscretion, I give you full permission to lust after Jessica Alba, Halle Berry AND Angelina Jolie.
Fair trade?
Ms.B
Friday, December 7, 2007
Really now, It's been over 2 years....
Rain was coming down in sheets today during the drive to work. Horrible weather couldn't get me down though because, although cold and rain are not favorite weather conditions of mine, it is Friday. Friday, plus I had some fun music playing on the radio and a warm cup of cocoa in my drink holder. Happy day.
About half way through my 30 minute trip I was annoyed to realize that my cell phone was vibrating in my pocket.
Who the hell is calling me before 9:00 a.m. on a Friday?
I decided it must be my wonderful Daddy calling to give me an update on the new tires he has ordered for my vehicle so I risked life and limb to reach under the seatbelt and extract my phone while driving one-handed on the freeway in a huge storm.
WEEEEEEEE! FUN!
I didn't recognize the number on the I.D. when I finally managed to work the phone free of my pocket but since I'd gone to all the trouble of retrieving it, I picked up anyway.
Ms.B: (in a slightly annoyed voice) "Hello?"
Mystery Person: "Waa wah waah mrstchll,wah?"
Ms.B: "Pardon me? I couldn't hear you."
Mystery Person: "Is wah wah wah MICHELLE MITCHELL?"
Ms.B: *rolls eyes* *gnashes teeth* *composes herself* "Uh, no. This hasn't been her phone number for over 2 years!"
Mystery Person: Oh... sorry. Thank you!
*CLICK*
...GAH! Maybe I better change my phone number. Sheesh!! Except, then I'd probably get calls for someone named Frank, or Billy, or Joe. And I'd miss my long chats with Michelle's mother. O.o
Ms.B
About half way through my 30 minute trip I was annoyed to realize that my cell phone was vibrating in my pocket.
Who the hell is calling me before 9:00 a.m. on a Friday?
I decided it must be my wonderful Daddy calling to give me an update on the new tires he has ordered for my vehicle so I risked life and limb to reach under the seatbelt and extract my phone while driving one-handed on the freeway in a huge storm.
WEEEEEEEE! FUN!
I didn't recognize the number on the I.D. when I finally managed to work the phone free of my pocket but since I'd gone to all the trouble of retrieving it, I picked up anyway.
Ms.B: (in a slightly annoyed voice) "Hello?"
Mystery Person: "Waa wah waah mrstchll,wah?"
Ms.B: "Pardon me? I couldn't hear you."
Mystery Person: "Is wah wah wah MICHELLE MITCHELL?"
Ms.B: *rolls eyes* *gnashes teeth* *composes herself* "Uh, no. This hasn't been her phone number for over 2 years!"
Mystery Person: Oh... sorry. Thank you!
*CLICK*
...GAH! Maybe I better change my phone number. Sheesh!! Except, then I'd probably get calls for someone named Frank, or Billy, or Joe. And I'd miss my long chats with Michelle's mother. O.o
Ms.B
Wednesday, December 5, 2007
Warm Fuzzies
Today the Program Director asked me to run an advertisement for staff in the local newspaper, which made me very happy. Running an add means that I get to call Paul.
Paul has been the facility contact for what seems like forever. Each time I call in to run advertisements we spend a minute or two gabbing about life. He knew when I got engaged, bought a house, and other such milestones. He gives me updates on his home remodeling, his boyfriend, and other adventures he's having. Once we played the "What I'd Guess You Look Like Based on Your Voice" game. I was surprisingly accurate. He was pretty close as well. Nice.
I've never actually met the man, and probably never will, but we chat as if we've been friends all our lives when I call in an advertisement (which is usually at least once a month.)
Though its smart to assume he has a good working relationship with all the accounts he places ads for I've always suspected I was a favorite of his and today I received my validation.
When he realized it was me on the phone he became very animated.
I've been thinking about you! They re-arranged some of the accounts here at the paper and they were going to assign you to another person! (Ms.B: *GASP* *heart attack*) I told them that they could NOT take you because you were a good friend of mine. So I am still your contact! Yay!
It just might go down in history as the most sincere and sweet compliment that any gay man has ever paid a married woman he never met.
Ms.B
Paul has been the facility contact for what seems like forever. Each time I call in to run advertisements we spend a minute or two gabbing about life. He knew when I got engaged, bought a house, and other such milestones. He gives me updates on his home remodeling, his boyfriend, and other adventures he's having. Once we played the "What I'd Guess You Look Like Based on Your Voice" game. I was surprisingly accurate. He was pretty close as well. Nice.
I've never actually met the man, and probably never will, but we chat as if we've been friends all our lives when I call in an advertisement (which is usually at least once a month.)
Though its smart to assume he has a good working relationship with all the accounts he places ads for I've always suspected I was a favorite of his and today I received my validation.
When he realized it was me on the phone he became very animated.
I've been thinking about you! They re-arranged some of the accounts here at the paper and they were going to assign you to another person! (Ms.B: *GASP* *heart attack*) I told them that they could NOT take you because you were a good friend of mine. So I am still your contact! Yay!
It just might go down in history as the most sincere and sweet compliment that any gay man has ever paid a married woman he never met.
Ms.B
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
If you are grossed out by bathroom humor don't read this post!
When I was in junior high there was a hilarious entry called "The Poopie List" that made its rounds through my school. This list of Christmas songs that I just posted reminded me of that old list. Wouldn't you know, it didn't take long to find it online. Pretty much how I remember it though there are a few new Poopies that have been added since 'back-in-the-day'.
THE POOPIE LIST
Bathroom Humor at its finest:
Ghost Poopie
The kind where you feel the poopie come out, but there is no poopie in the toilet.
Clean Poopie
The kind where you poopie it out, see it in the toilet, but there is nothing on the toilet paper.
Wet Poopie
The kind where you wipe your butt 50 times and it still feels unwiped, so you have to put some toilet paper between your butt and underwear so you won't ruin them with a stain.
Second Wave Poopie
This happens when you're done Poopie-ing and you've pulled up your pants to your knees, and you realize that you have to Poopie some more.
Pop-A-Vein-In-Your-Forehead-Poopie
The kind where you strain so much to get it out, you practically have a stroke.
Gassy Poopie
It's so noisy, everyone within earshot is laughing.
Drinker Poopie
The kind of Poopie you have the morning after a long night of drinking. Its most noticeable trait is the skid marks on the bottom of the toilet.
Lincoln Log Poopie
The kind of Poopie that is so huge you're afraid to flush without first breaking it into little pieces with the toilet brush.
Corn Poopie
Self-explanatory.
Gee-I-Wish-I-Could-Poopie Poopie
The kind where you want to Poopie but all you do is sit on the toilet and fart a few times.
Spinal Tap Poopie
That's where it hurts so badly coming out, you would swear it was leaving you sideways.
Wet Cheeks Poopie (The Power Dump)
The kind that comes out of your butt so fast, your butt gets splashed with water.
Liquid Poopie
The kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots out your butt and splashes all over the toilet bowl.
Mexican Poopie
It smells so bad your nose burns.
The Dangling Poopie
This Poopie refuses to drop into the toilet even though you know you are done Poopie-ing it. You just pray that a shake or two will cut it loose.
The Floater Poopie (A Ms.B addition!)
The kind of poopie that is so buoyant, you have to cover it with three layers of toilet paper and flush twice to get it to go down.
The Surprise Poopie
You're not even at the toilet because you are sure you're about to fart, but oops.......a Poopie!!!
THE POOPIE LIST
Bathroom Humor at its finest:
Ghost Poopie
The kind where you feel the poopie come out, but there is no poopie in the toilet.
Clean Poopie
The kind where you poopie it out, see it in the toilet, but there is nothing on the toilet paper.
Wet Poopie
The kind where you wipe your butt 50 times and it still feels unwiped, so you have to put some toilet paper between your butt and underwear so you won't ruin them with a stain.
Second Wave Poopie
This happens when you're done Poopie-ing and you've pulled up your pants to your knees, and you realize that you have to Poopie some more.
Pop-A-Vein-In-Your-Forehead-Poopie
The kind where you strain so much to get it out, you practically have a stroke.
Gassy Poopie
It's so noisy, everyone within earshot is laughing.
Drinker Poopie
The kind of Poopie you have the morning after a long night of drinking. Its most noticeable trait is the skid marks on the bottom of the toilet.
Lincoln Log Poopie
The kind of Poopie that is so huge you're afraid to flush without first breaking it into little pieces with the toilet brush.
Corn Poopie
Self-explanatory.
Gee-I-Wish-I-Could-Poopie Poopie
The kind where you want to Poopie but all you do is sit on the toilet and fart a few times.
Spinal Tap Poopie
That's where it hurts so badly coming out, you would swear it was leaving you sideways.
Wet Cheeks Poopie (The Power Dump)
The kind that comes out of your butt so fast, your butt gets splashed with water.
Liquid Poopie
The kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots out your butt and splashes all over the toilet bowl.
Mexican Poopie
It smells so bad your nose burns.
The Dangling Poopie
This Poopie refuses to drop into the toilet even though you know you are done Poopie-ing it. You just pray that a shake or two will cut it loose.
The Floater Poopie (A Ms.B addition!)
The kind of poopie that is so buoyant, you have to cover it with three layers of toilet paper and flush twice to get it to go down.
The Surprise Poopie
You're not even at the toilet because you are sure you're about to fart, but oops.......a Poopie!!!
Blah... again.
Me no feel good. Me sick.
Stuffy nose.
Itchy throat.
Coughing.
Aching.
Watery Eyes.
Tired. So tired.
I are so, so sick!
If there are any independently wealthy people in the world that want to adopt a 30-year-old woman, please consider me. You can spoil me rotten.
And then I can afford to stay home on days like this. Blah!
........
Such is the reality of life when you were already sick for a day the week prior to this. I don't DARE call in to work for a few weeks lest they think I am faking it and get very angry with me.
Perhaps if I mailed them my snotty tissues as validation.
Stuffy nose.
Itchy throat.
Coughing.
Aching.
Watery Eyes.
Tired. So tired.
I are so, so sick!
If there are any independently wealthy people in the world that want to adopt a 30-year-old woman, please consider me. You can spoil me rotten.
And then I can afford to stay home on days like this. Blah!
........
Such is the reality of life when you were already sick for a day the week prior to this. I don't DARE call in to work for a few weeks lest they think I am faking it and get very angry with me.
Perhaps if I mailed them my snotty tissues as validation.
I received this through e-mail:
What better way to reach out to new communities than with these new age adaptation of some classic Christmas Carols:
* 1. Schizophrenia --- Do You Hear What I Hear?
* 2. Multiple Personality Disorder --- We Three Kings Disoriented Are
* 3. Dementia --- I Think I'll be Home for Christmas
* 4. Narcissistic --- Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me
* 5. Manic --- Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and.....
* 6. Paranoid --- Santa Claus is Coming to Town to Get Me
* 7. Borderline Personality Disorder --- Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire
* 8. Personality Disorder --- You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll Tell You Why
* 9. Attention Deficit Disorder --- Silent night, Holy oooh look at the Froggy - can I have a chocolate, why is France so far away?
* 10. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder -- - Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle,Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,
Hmmm... For Christmas it would seem that there should be twelve...? Perhaps I should try to come up with two more!
Ms.B
.............
I've got it!
* 11. Antisocial personality disorder --- Oh Shit. Here Comes Santa Claus
* 12. Schizotypal personality disorder --- I Saw Mommy F*#!ing Santa Claus
And now the list is complete!
Ms.B
* 1. Schizophrenia --- Do You Hear What I Hear?
* 2. Multiple Personality Disorder --- We Three Kings Disoriented Are
* 3. Dementia --- I Think I'll be Home for Christmas
* 4. Narcissistic --- Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me
* 5. Manic --- Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and.....
* 6. Paranoid --- Santa Claus is Coming to Town to Get Me
* 7. Borderline Personality Disorder --- Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire
* 8. Personality Disorder --- You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll Tell You Why
* 9. Attention Deficit Disorder --- Silent night, Holy oooh look at the Froggy - can I have a chocolate, why is France so far away?
* 10. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder -- - Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle,Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,
Hmmm... For Christmas it would seem that there should be twelve...? Perhaps I should try to come up with two more!
Ms.B
.............
I've got it!
* 11. Antisocial personality disorder --- Oh Shit. Here Comes Santa Claus
* 12. Schizotypal personality disorder --- I Saw Mommy F*#!ing Santa Claus
And now the list is complete!
Ms.B
Monday, December 3, 2007
Blog Therapy II
"Once upon a time there were four caseworkers. All four were talented, caring, and supportive of the individuals on their caseload. Alas, there was an unwritten rule that there must always be one caseworker in the office who was picked on and targeted. Two of the four made life a living hell for the targeted staff member, she quit, and then a good friend of one of the two was hired to fill the empty slot. Leaving a fourth, who had never before been targeted, who wasn't part of their clique.
And thus it was that the three of them hooked up and created misery for this fourth one, even though she was a hard worker who truly cared about the people she worked with and avoided the drama when possible. "
.........
PREDICTION: This caseworker will quit. They will hire a friend of theirs, again. But once again there will need to be an odd man out, and they will be sure to find one. If I was the one of the three who was dating someone from maintenance (who was un-approved of by the other two) I would be worried. I wonder if she thinks that far ahead or can see the writing on the wall?
Ms.B
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