Facebook Gaffe

Wow. Every working person has had their fair share of good bosses and bad, myself included. And even a good boss can piss a person off from time to time, I'm sure. But the gal in this image I received via e-mail must be a total idiot. Seriously. For those of you who haven't seen this yet, enjoy.



Apparently this is a REAL Facebook entry by some gal over in Britain.

If I knew who this boss was I'd give them a high-five for their snarky and victorious reply. I'd also bop this gal on the head.

Twice.

Ms.B

From the computer of my co-worker, Doug

I just want to thank all of you for your educational chain-e-mails over the past year. I am totally screwed up now and have little chance of recovery.



I no longer open a public bathroom door without using a paper towel or have them put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying about the bacteria on the lemon peel.

I can't use the remote in a hotel room because I don't know what the last person was doing while flipping through the adult movie channels.

I can't sit down on the hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed.

I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking ones nose (although cell phone usage may be taking the number one spot).

Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of Trans fats I have consumed over the years.


I can't touch any woman's purse for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public bathroom.


I MUST SEND MY SPECIAL THANKS to whoever sent me the one about poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.



I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's Novena has granted my every wish.


I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

THANKS TO YOU I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

BECAUSE OF YOUR CONCERN, I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.


I no longer can buy gasoline without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.



THANKS TO YOU I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt.


AND THANKS TO YOUR GREAT ADVICE I can't ever pick up $5.00 dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhoea will land on your head at 5:00 p.m. Tomorrow afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbour's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician . . .


Oh, by the way.....

A German scientist from Argentina , after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse.

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.

Magic

No, not the rabbit-in-a-hat-kind, but the geeks-who-play-cards kind.

It's our new entertainment at The Lab on Saturdays and Sundays when we've hauled bootie and finished all our processing early. I never understood the game before, and there is still a lot of learning to be done, but a fancy little 'blue deck' has been created and slowly but surely, Ms.B is going to figure this game out!

I am also trying to build a red/white deck all by myself. I have no clue what I'm doing, but it sure is fun. A whole lot of planning and organizing goes in to making a deck. And then, once you have a perfect set of cards, you still have to be lucky enough to pull the right ones in the right order when you play. Can I just tell you how annoying it is when you KNOW you can beat the person you are playing... if only that darn mana would come out of your deck!? HA!

A few folks at work told me the game promotes devil worship. I don't understand where they are coming from. It's a card game with wizards and dragons and gnomes. I suppose those folks think Harry Potter will corrupt me too. But that's okay. They are welcome to their beliefs. While they are praying for my soul each Saturday/Sunday night, I'll be at a table with a large group of great friends having a whole lot of fun!

By the way, this is my favorite card. It's nearly useless in the game, but this little guy is sooooo cute! I call him Timmy!



I love you, Timmy!

How do you make a boxer sit still?

Anyone familiar with the boxer breed is well aware of their lively and active personalities--- amazing, lovable and full of energy and wiggles.

So how, pray tell, do I get my puppy, Bo, to 'take it easy' and not bounce around during the next two weeks while his boy-bits heal after his neuter?



Ms.B

The Story of Adam & Eve's Pets

Okay, so I know I've had more 'random' posts lately rather than sharing what I'm up to, but that will be remedied this week, I'm sure, since I have the entire week off (again). Have I mentioned yet, how much I LOVE my work schedule? I have half the year off! Sweet. Anyhow, here is another cute story that was sent to me by a friend. --Ms.B


The Story of Adam & Eve's Pets

Adam and Eve said, 'Lord, when we were in the garden, you walked with us every day. Now we do not see you any more. We are lonesome here, and it is difficult for us to remember how much you love us.'

And God said, I will create a companion for you that will be with you and who will be a reflection of my love for you, so that you will love me even when you cannot see me. Regardless of how selfish or childish or unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourselves.'

And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam and Eve. And it was a good animal. And God was pleased.

And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and Eve and he wagged his tail.

And Adam said, 'Lord, I have already named all the animals in the Kingdom and I cannot think of a name for this new animal.'

And God said, 'I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love for you, his name will be a reflection
of my own name, and you will call him DOG.'


And Dog lived with Adam and Eve and was a companion to them and loved them.

And they were comforted.

And God was pleased.

And Dog was content and wagged his tail.



After a while, it came to pass that an angel came to the Lord and said, 'Lord, Adam and Eve have become filled with pride. They strut and preen like peacocks and they believe they are worthy of adoration. Dog has indeed taught them that they are loved, but perhaps too well.'


And God said, I will create for them a companion who will be with them and who will see them as they are. The companion will remind them of their limitations, so they will know that they are not always worthy of adoration.'

And God created Cat to be a companion to Adam and Eve.


And Cat would not obey them. And when Adam and Eve gazed into Cat's eyes, they were reminded that they were not the supreme beings.


And Adam and Eve learned humility.

And they were greatly improved.


And God was pleased . . . . . .

And Dog was happy. . . .






Cat didn't give a shit one way or the other...

Why do we love children?

Received this at work from a friend and thought it was cute. Figured I'd share! :)


1)
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when
a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark
naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from
the back seat, 'Mom, that lady isn't wearing a seat belt!'

2) OPINIONS
On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note
from his mother. The note read, 'The opinions expressed by this child
are not necessarily those of his parents .'

3) KETCHUP
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her
struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer
the phone.. 'Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now.
She's hitting the bottle.'

4) MORE

A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's
locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with
ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in
amazement and then asked, 'What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a
little boy before?'

5) POLICE # 1
While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was
interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at
my uniform, she asked, 'Are you a cop? Yes,' I answered and continued
writing the report. My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask
the police. Is that right?' 'Yes, that's right,' I told her. 'Well,
then,' she said as she extended her foot toward me, 'would you please
tie my shoe?'

6) POLICE # 2
It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the
station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking,
and I saw a little boy staring in at me. 'Is that a dog you got back
there?' he asked.
'It sure is,' I replied.
Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van.
Finally he said, 'What'd he do?'

7) ELDERLY
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly
shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds.
She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age,
particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her
staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself
for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and
whispered, 'The tooth fairy will never believe this!'

8) DRESS-UP
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw
her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, 'Daddy, you shouldn't wear that
suit.'
'And why not, darling?'
'You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning.'

9) DEATH
While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister
heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt.
Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin.
Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small
box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal
of the deceased.
The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with
sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father
always said: 'Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into
the hole he goooes.' (I want this line used at my funeral!)

10) SCHOOL
A little girl had just finished her first week of school.. 'I'm just
wasting my time,' she said to her mother. 'I can't read, I can't write,
and they won't let me talk!'

11) BIBLE
A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he
fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the
Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old
leaf that had been pressed in between the pages.
'Mama, look what I found,' the boy called out.
'What have you got there, dear?'
With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, 'I think it's
Adam's underwear!'

Side Note

I really thought that perhaps my post from a couple of weeks ago would cause a bit of an uproar but I've had NO response from any of the real-life friends who know of my blog.

I am now under the impression that I've either scared you all away, pissed you off, or no one actually cares enough to come here. HA! Okay, not really.

But I do hope you are all alright and know that I still love you to bits and I do hope that I didn't offend anyone too much.

Ms.B

The "Ms.B lays it all on the line" Edition

A lot of self-evaluation has been done lately regarding a very controversial topic in the news. My final impressions are consistent with the vague opinions I have held for a long time. I've taken a second look at the opinions of those around me and had to teach myself to accept and love those who feel differently than I do about this subject. After all, if I lump everyone with common beliefs into my observations I am doing the very same thing that I am upset over other people doing. First and foremost I struggle to remember that everyone is different and has a right to their opinion.

That said, I've decided to step out of my comfort zone and share how I feel. I know that all the people in my life will have varied opinions on my topic here and please understand that any of the venting that sneaks its way into my post here aren't meant as an attack on anyone who is aware of who I am in real life. And I respect that not all of you will agree with my views either, and that's okay.

Growing up, I bounced around a couple of different religions as my parents worked towards finding a point in their lives where they felt complete. Although my family's religious "title" changed from time to time, the lessons I was taught as a child were consistent.

Jesus is love/perfect. We must try to be like Him.

Judge not, lest ye be judged.

Love one another.

---basic Christian beliefs that are, from what I understand (and feel free to correct me if I'm wrong!) somewhat universal in Christian religions.

I live in a area of the world that has a very high population of individuals that have grown up with these same values and beliefs. In fact, our region is often well associated with a specific religion, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, or "Mormons". Some of the most amazing people I know are Mormons. I am a Mormon. Baptized at age 11 and actively attending on and off as I grew up. That being said, out of the last 12 years of my life I've only been an active member for 2. Two years out of twelve. I've tried to motivate myself to attend services. Struggled to find my niche within the organization. But I've finally come to the conclusion that this isn't going to happen for me at any point in the near (and possibly far) future. I don't feel like I'm in the right place when I'm there. I don't miss being there. Don't want to be there. All the the lessons I was taught as I grew up run through my head when I try to evaluate why it is that I avoid attending my weekly meetings. It usually boils down to feeling guilty about 'something'. I don't even know what I feel guilty about, per say! I'm not a bad person. My life-style, aside from avoiding church and having a potty mouth a sailor would be proud of, is the same as when I was 'active'. I don't drink. I don't smoke. I don't use illegal substances. I lead an amazingly average life. No wild child here. I still love the gospel. I just don't love church. And yes, contrary to what some extremists have told me, that is possible.

But I digress. I didn't start this post to share my feelings about "The Church", as its called in these parts. There is a more important topic that I've been meaning to blog about for quite some time. Recent events might seem to have influenced this sudden urge to share, but rest assured that I held these views LONG before I realized how vitally they could impact my life, average as it is. I think I got sidetracked because my topic has been connected so closely to The Church in the media lately.

I want to address my views on homosexuality.

*gasp*
"Ms.B! A serious topic on your board? Dare I even read any further? !!! ??? !!!"

You don't have to. You can click the little X in the corner of the screen here, or rush off to a safely bookmarked page at any time. I promise I will respect that decision. Perhaps you, like me for so long, are happy in your bubble of safety and like to pretend that there isn't much drama in the world. So many issues have been publicized about this topic lately. And most views are extremely biased. You are either "for" or "against" gay marriage. Now, now. I know many readers are probably saying "Oh, I'm not against gay people." But I have a few stories to share, a test of sorts, if you don't mind. You don't have to write down the answers. Don't even feel you have to share them out loud with anyone. Just think about your honest responses/opinion and possibly learn something about yourself in the process.

A Mormon co-worker of mine has said a few things lately that really bother me. No, I don't think his views are a direct representation of The Church and what every member there stands for. Me mentioning his religious affiliation isn't meant to convey that. But it is his background. A conversation we had this very morning stands out to me a LOT!

Co-worker: I missed out on seeing all the smooching today.

Ms.B: Smooching? What on earth? (Honestly at this point I wondered if he was going down an awkward topic-path that H.R. would need to be told about later on. HA!)

Co-worker: Didn't you hear about those two gays who were caught kissing at Temple Square?

At this point he showed me the article about the protesters who were angry that the men were asked to stop showing major signs of affection while on private property.

I shared my opinion that while I respected the two men and their right to love one another, I thought they shouldn't have verbally abused the cops and representatives of the people who owned the property they were on. After all, if you aren't in a public place, I expect that folks should always respect the wishes of the private owner(s) of the place where you are. I don't care if this place is a church, garden, store, bus... whatever. RESPECT, people. Those men deserved to be asked to leave. NOT because they were gay. That had nothing to do with it. They were acting in a way that was viewed as inappropriate in a place that was NOT public property and should have respected the rules there. Had I been a gay person, I'd have been disappointed that others with my same life-situation had represented me in that manner.

The conversation this co-worker and I had during the following few minutes included the following phrases:

Co-worker: I don't have anything against the gays. They can do whatever they want as long as they don't rub it in my face. I mean, I have an uncle who is gay and I allow him to be around my kids! It's fine. I get along with Ryan and he's flaming gay! And DH has his tranny-brother or whatever you want to call it...

Ms.B: Sister. His sister.

Co-worker: Like I said, whatever you want to call IT.


Call me crazy but I didn't get the vibe that he actually "didn't have anything against 'the gays'" from this conversation.

It made me wonder how many other people out in the world talk the talk but don't walk the walk. I am 100% confident that people that I absolutely adore must feel the same way and not even realize it. They SAY what they think they SHOULD say, if they want to feel Christ-like. But their real opinion is obviously that people who happen to be gay are only to be "allowed around their children". That they are "its" instead of "hims" and "hers".

To all who subliminally agree with my co-worker, I have to ask: Do you really think being gay is contagious? Do you think that if you "allow" someone who is gay to be around your children they are going to catch some sort of "Gay Bug"? Are those who happen to love someone of the same gender really "lesser people"? Are they incapable of feeling emotions like you do? Do you think its easy for them to give up all the "safety nets" that a heterosexual couple have and let the world know how they truly feel?

I would HOPE that most people in the world would answer "no" to these questions. Answer no, and really mean it.

I'm not trying to tell you to suddenly decide topics like "Gay Marriage" are great and that we should all link hands and sing Kumbaya. It would be a jolly good time if we could, but it will never happen. I try to respect other people feelings on things, after all. Agree to disagree.

But I have to say that I am frustrated as hell that my sister-in law on DH's side of the family and my very own newly un-closeted sister will have to struggle against a lot of biased opinions that relegate them to second-class citizenship. They have a right to be commited to the one they love. To have health coverage (I'm so proud that my current employer will cover 'Life Partners'!). To have all the tax perks that married people do.

I don't CARE what its called. Marriage. Civil Union. Whatever. It's too bad that we can't all be treated equally without government or religion stepping in to say that this can or can't happen. Isn't it all about freedom of choice?

To toss a religious spin on it, shouldn't it be all peoples' choice to choose who we marry? Not to have someone else's values and what they think is right and wrong dictate what you can and can't do? (Within the law, of course. Murder is NEVER a great thing, regardless of what religion you are. Oye.)

I was taught a story as a child. It's replayed in my head a lot lately and I find the topic interesting. It has a Mormon spin on it, of course, so if you are not religious just try to catch the vibe of the message without feeling I am spouting religion at ya, okies? Thank you.

Latter-day Saints believe that God is our Father in Heaven. Before we came to this world, we all lived as spirits under his care and guidance. We believe that God begat or created the spirits of Jesus, Lucifer, and all of the human family as his children. Our Heavenly Father is literally the father of our spirits. Jesus Christ is considered the preeminent "firstborn" or "firstbegotten".

Lucifer, who was never a member of the Godhead like Jesus, rebelled against God, and was forever cast out. He became Satan, our adversary. Unlike Jesus or us, Lucifer will never be born into a physical body.

Latter-day Saint scriptures summarize this issue as follows:
In the beginning, when all of our spirits were still in Heaven, there were two men that stepped forward and were ready and willing to lead God's people here on earth. Lucifer wanted to come down and control everyone. To force us to do what God thought was right. Not ONE spirit would be allowed to go astray. But instead it was Jesus who was chosen as a leader to come down and be an example to us all. To come and love us and give us the right to make our own decisions and learn from our mistakes as we go throughout life.

Lucifer, who rebelled because he wasn't given the control he wanted, was cast out and is now the entity we know as "Satan".

We were supposed to have the right to choose our own path (and be accountable for our decisions in the end) without church & government some outside force stepping in and ordering us to do things the way they thought we should.

So, as rebellious as I am now in my non-church-attending ways, I am going to cling to those lessons I learned as a child. Do what I can to, like my parents, find that point in life where I feel complete.

I can never be perfect. No one can. We can only do our best in our quest to feel self-worth. I am not going to judge people who's life-styles are different from mine. I'll leave that to Jesus when the time comes. I am going to try to 'love one another'. Try to understand and respect other people's views and hope they will do the same for me and everyone else out there in this crazy world we live in.


Ms.B

Wowsers

I didn't realize until my last post that it had been over a month since I updated. What a slacker I am!

Not that anything super interesting has happened, really. Bo is growing like a weed, our weeds are growing like Bo and all is well, in general.

DH spent a week in Canada while I stayed home and puppy-sat.

Work is going well. I am almost out of my "6-month training" period and will soon be eligible for bonuses if I can get my productivity high enough. I am praised for minimal-to-none errors and my Work Flow Coordinator consistently gives me positive feedback. I can't tell you how nice it is to hear good things after going 8 years with a boss who only gave you feedback in the form of yelling at you when you messed up on doing something (possibly even something you'd never been told to do and/or not been shown how to do!) Refreshing.

DH and I have Harry Potter tickets for next week, too. Very exciting. We'll double date with our movie-friends and have a splendiferous time. :D

And that is it, I think.

The End --- of this update.


*bows*

Hipaa Shmippa

Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act

In my line of work I see many many bits of private information that can NOT be shared with anyone unless they work with me and have a need to know the information in order to perform their job duties.

Because of this I am annoyed as hell that I can't share the nitty gritty details my exciting experience at work today. Samples, left and right. Blood, poop, fluids, stones... even babies in jars. I see all sorts of gross/exciting stuff come through the lab. It's thrilling at times. Sooooo interesting.

Today the friend who often sits behind me tapped me on the shoulder and showed me his paperwork.

Friend: Do you think it could be him? It's a rather distinct name. I doubt anyone else has it! And look at the hospital these samples came from!

Ms.B: *looks* Wow! And his birthday--- the age is totally right!

DH: *looks at paper too then goes to his computer* I just 'googled' his name and the birthday online matches your paperwork. It's totally him!

Friend/Ms.B/DH: !!!!!!


Today, I held a little piece of Hollywood in my hand!


Ms.B

Puppy Love

It's has been a rocky start integrating Bo into our little family. He brought some 'belly bugs' along with him, courtesy of his original home, and has had diarrhea all week long. Two trips to the vet later, he is on some major meds and will be just fine. And thanks to his willingness to be potty trained, our carpets should survive the ordeal just fine as well. Thank GOODNESS! What a little super star!




Ms.B

What a difference a day makes

Wow. Okay, so its less than 24 hours later and all sorts of chaotic adventure has occurred.

Afton is back at the Humane Society. It turns out she'll be best in a home where she is the only dog. This morning, when Gus went near her kennel and food dish, she grabbed him by the neck and tried to eat his head. He's fine. I'm probably more traumatized than he is. But we knew that her aggression (and the power that comes along with her large size) was ONE thing we couldn't retrain. And we can't give her time to work on it. After all, if one of our cats had been the one to get too close to her 'territory', they'd have lost a few of their nine lives.

I cried when we took her back to the shelter. I know she'll find a great home , but its still sad that it didn't work out with our family. It doesn't help that we can't get our adoption fee refunded either. We can only exchange the first dog for a different one. Our 'coupon' is good through December.

Bye bye, $90.00.

After this disastrous turn we've decided that an adult dog is just too risky to introduce to our household. We need a dog that will grow up with our other pets and be used to them from day one. We drove directly from the Human Society to the home of the man who had a litter of Boxer pups we'd been watching on a local classifieds site. We met his three adult dogs and played with the puppy and left a short while later with him (the puppy, not the man!) in our arms.

We really are insane, you know! INSANE!!

But already we see a difference. The other animals are super friendly to our new little guy. Even the cats are showing amazing patience and acceptance. Who can blame them though, really. He's FREAKING CUTE!




Bo, the wonder pup!


Ms.B