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So often in the world we assign labels to people and situations. Its instinctive. Natural. Often unavoidable. But once in a while a situation occurs that can have no label. No matter what you try to call it, there is no comprehension-- no complete understanding.

My life was torn apart this past week. With patience, great communication and lots of support from family and friends, I am slowly piecing things back together. Not perfectly. But sometimes “good enough” is good enough.

For now.

In the end, the resolution that has come about appears as if it will create a new, stronger me. My life, in the long run, will have been improved due to the pain. Funny how things seem to work themselves out.

I ask for patience from those that are around me as I continue to heal. I’m a very private person. Really. Even here on my blog where I share many of my thoughts that would otherwise stay bottled up, I filter myself. I shouldn’t, I know. But its my nature. Even though I’m choosing to keep this situation undisclosed, I want everyone to know how much I appreciate their support and love. It strengthens me. I can’t re-build myself without a secure infrastructure and you are just that to me: my strong foundation. I have amazing friends and family. There is no doubt.

The emotions felt this past week are the type that can’t be labeled. Even if I tried, a full understanding of what I’ve experienced wouldn’t be conveyed by the words I chose. Instead, I will save myself the hassle and stress, and you the confusion of trying to comprehend it all.

In the end, perhaps, there is one label I will allow myself to use. Not a direct one, but an all encompassing one.

Lucky. Very, very lucky.

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Dear husband, this past week has been turmoil. I’m forever changed. But I now know that with you by my side I am able to face nearly anything and survive. You are my biggest support; the love of my life.

We are family.

Forever.


Ms.B
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Broken

My world was shattered yesterday. It's not something I'm ready to write about on this blog right now, but the reality is that this change in my life made my bitterness over a past job feel so trite. So meaningless. Why fret over some old second-rate company when REAL issues are going on in the world. Things that will REALLY change my life.

I'm so broken on the inside. So alone.


Ms.B

What a difference a year makes

It's been one year now since I was laid off from the care center.

At first I was sad-- angry. Then... after quite a long time, I was suddenly really grateful.

I've not been back there since that fateful day. But I can imagine that its pretty much the same way it was when I left. Some things just never change.

I had wanted to move on for a long time. I felt trapped. Stuck.

Loyal? Maybe.

It took a boss (who disliked me, regardless of if he'd ever admit it) finding a loop-hole to get rid of me in order for me to be gone. And its okay. Really. They couldn't fire me for work performance (though I'm sure I made a convenient scape-goat for things that wrong the first few weeks) and that comforts me. I took pride in what I did. Tried to improve things. I was able to provide tons of information to my employer before I walked out the door. Left them without any un-finished business, undone assessments, etc. My data was current. My splints were clean and organized. My paperwork was solid!

My only fear now is that my personal file is in a cardboard box in a bathroom somewhere. Please, for the love of all that is holy, let someone have filed last year's employee files in the organized cupboards I created before I was canned.

This past Monday I received a "bling" for my name badge in honor of my upcoming one year anniversary at The Lab. How fun to think its already been that long since I found my way to them. A year full of constant positive feedback, monthly 1:1s with a supervisor, endless oportunities to expand my knowledge-- the list could go on and on.

I feel bad for others who have experienced that same 'trapped' feeling and don't know how to make a break for the sweet freedom that could await them. Fear is a powerful emotion. It can really keep someone from reaching for the stars.

And, in my opinion, the stars are the best place to be.

Ms.B

Tasty Tuesday -Week 6

This week's theme: Food Disasters




Ms.B

Moi?

When DH pointed this license plate out to me this morning on the way to the University I couldn't believe my eyes. A plate dedicated to me!! Or maybe someone else out there just likes the idea of a punny nickname. Its far more thrilling to imagine my fame, of course.

The lady who emerged from the car when it parked was in her mid to late 50s, at least, and had lovely silver hair. Not exactly the young, sassy thing I anticipated when I first saw the car. lol Maybe she really is "behaved".


Ms.B

p.s. Ms.B does not condone any stalking done by anyone who might know the actual owner of this plate. No--no, stalking is bad, m-kay?

Wordless Wednesday - Entry 5

Ms.B

Glub Glub

DH brought home a new family member yesterday.

He doesn't eat much. Doesn't have much to say, either. But joy of joys, he is saving us from the one issue about the Haven that I detest (besides the state it was built in). The tap water in our home is like a 3-course meal. Great for the veggies in our garden. We have HAPPY tomato plants each summer. But for human consumption... ewwww!

But no longer. Our future is bright!

CRISP CLEAN WATER!! No more plastic bottles from the store. No panic if the last soda is pulled from the fridge. No desperately hoping that the flavor packets I added will cover the mineral taste if I mix enough in!

The best part is that if we had purchased the unit brand new it would have been $300. Ksl.com's classified section had this little buddy of ours for a mere $20. He cleaned up like new, holds five gallons of water and a store nearby will sanitize and fill him for only a couple of dollars each time we drink the tank dry. He chills/heats water and does a bubbly dance every time we fill up our glass.

We've affectionately named him "Glub Glub" and given him a place of honor in our tiny kitchen.

*GULP----- belch*

The picture here is the one from the classified add DH found. I'm too lazy to take a shot of him in new surroundings.

He's so cute!

*does victory lap around the yard*

Tasty Tuesday -Week 5

The theme for this week: MEAT!

I eat it. No vegetarian here. There was once a time, though, when I couldn't digest it very well. Doctors told me I'd not miss my gall bladder when it was taken out but they were wrong. So very wrong. I spent about a year experiencing the hellish torture joys of soy-based meat replacements. MorningStar Chick'n Patties were my fav, but I was very glad when I was finally able to indulge in the real deal once again.

Folks, don't take that gall bladder for granted. It might be benefiting you more than you'll ever realize!!



Ms.B

Tasty Tuesday -Week 4

"Yellow"

Today's entry is short, but sweet. So sweet.

I've been craving cake for a few weeks now, and this week's theme of "Yellow" made Yellow Cake come to mind.

CAKE!!

I was surfing around the internet and saw the neatest pan the other day. It is AWESOME looking.

There's a HOLE in that cake!




Ms.B

Wordless Wednesday - Entry 4

Utah's Most Infamous Grave

Tasty Tuesday -Week 3

This week's theme is "Toppings".

While not necessarily a "sauce topping" of any type, my topic does indeed rest 'on top' of the foods it adorns... so let's all pretend that it applies, shall we?

I adored maraschino cherries when I was little. My parents still love telling the story of the time we had a barbecue with our neighbors back when I was about 9 years old. My family was assigned to bring ice cream sundaes and when dessert rolled around, they realized that they had left the jar of maraschino cherries in the fridge at home. We were only next door so they sent me over to get them.

On the way back I couldn't resist popping one into my mouth and savoring the sticky sweetness. I quickly realized I might be in trouble if I ate the cherries before I got back to the party so I impulsively pulled the sucked-on cherry from my mouth and put it back in the jar. It blended in just fine with the other cherries once it was back in the juice. Moments later I had another one in my mouth. I couldn't resist the delicious flavor. Again, I put the cherry back unscathed. By the time I reached the neighbors' house again I had sucked on every one of those darn cherries. And I didn't tell anyone I had done it!! At least not until later that night when we were at home. I confessed my sins to my parents in full detail, and to their credit, they kept a straight face as I shared the tale. Thankfully, my neighbors had great senses of humor as well, or so my parents told me. Apparently they all split a gut laughing when they were told of my little 'deed'.

Oh, the shame.

Ms.B

Huzzah!

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