Learning as I go

I made the comment to two people. Only two. Two that I trusted. But today, when I spoke to my boss he repeated my comment back to me. I'm not ashamed of what I said. I stand by it, even. And I'm not in trouble for saying it.

But I had said it in confidence to those people. Secret.

And now I've learned my lesson.

As Forrest Gump said, "That's all I got to say about that."

I'm positive it was Jam she wanted...

and that's what she got in her lunch today when she neglected to come down to make it herself.

Enjoy your sandwich tomorrow, Miss L.


Ain't I a stinker?


Ms.B


p.s. The tuna/honey would have been more exciting but I am too much of a poosie to risk getting in trouble.

Frustration

I can't even have a conversation with her anymore. Half way through my comments she interrupts and asks questions that don't even apply to what I am speaking of.

They said what? Wait, WHO said it? Why did they say that? Wait, who said it again?

I wish I knew where my patience went to. I search for understanding as to why she frustrates me so much.

The only answer I can come up with is that I'm a raving bitch.


Ms.B

Red Fury II

For reasons unknown, I am a grouchy grouchy bitch today.

Random things that people do or say (including myself, at times!!) seems to grate on my every nerve. Stupid comments seem extra stupid. Simple comments seem extra simple.

Maybe this is because I am scared about my oral surgery on Friday. Not that it gives me an excuse to go around thinking that some of my co-workers are suffering from Alzheimer's and/or lack of brain cells.

What is wrong with me?!

The fact that I'm not sure why I'm acting this way is the most annoying thing of all.

Dammit!

Not to mention the fact that I originally typed the Title of this entry as "Red Furry", which normally would have given me the giggles at the perverted visuals that came to mind, but instead pissed me off even more.

On a positive note: I got my "Green Kau Morphing Potion" this morning shortly before I left for work. It is now featured in my Neopet Gallery. If only I could win the NeoLottery and get the items I will need to make my Kau Items complete. *sigh*

Ms.B

What NOT to do in an interview: Part 2

Interview No-No #4: Showing up to your scheduled appointment late. Very late.

I had an interview scheduled yesterday for 11:00 a.m. I've been fortunate in my work history not to have to experience the stress of the interview process very often. And I have never had someone sit me down and teach me any interview etiquette. But honestly, isn't it common sense to know that you aren't going to make a very good impression if you show up horribly late for your appointment? Yesterday at 11:00 the phone rang. "I'm just leaving my doctor's office. I had a physical done. I'll be there soon." I had no problem with that. I thanked the lady for letting us know. I gave the Program Director a heads-up that it would be a few extra minutes and then we waited. And waited. And WAITED!! Finally, at 12:30, we took our lunch breaks. Wouldn't you know it, as we were happily munching away, the bitch lady arrives. Not the best impression to make, considering that she was 5 hours late the day she filled out her application in the first place. Don't think we'll be hiring her... and we are REALLY short staffed. We need people right now.

(Side note: MOVE TO UTAH! We need employees here. It's a great place. Ignore the shit you've heard about the evil Mormons. They are wonderful people, and they only have ONE wife at a time these days. I'll hire you if you move here. $8.50 an hour is all yours. Just show up on time for your interview! Oops! I just said I was from Utah. Um... not telling what part though. Secret.)

Interview No-No #5: Run your yap during the interview.

Okay, perhaps that seems contradict itself. Two weeks ago a woman stopped by to fill out an application after seeing the "help wanted" sign in front of the building. She swiftly filled it out and left after I told her we'd be in touch. Over-all Impression: On a scale of 1-10: 10!

She stuck her head in my office about 5 minutes later and asked if her husband could pick through our garbage and take stuff home. Over-all impression: 3?

I called her and arranged for her to come in for an interview at 10:00 the next morning. When I arrived at my office around 9:00, she was waiting for me. Over-all impression: 2

We sat down, I pulled out my standard interview form and attempted to interview her. In the next hour I learned that she was on her third marriage, that her first two husbands abused her, and that she's tried to take the CNA tests multiple times, each time failing. She hated drunk drivers and forced them to stay at her house if they were drunk. She would hide their keys. (Good girl.) I learned that she had a learning disability and had a job coach. This coach would attend the first few months with her to help her learn the job. (No problem, we could work with that if she was willing to work hard.) She said that if she abused the residents we could talk to her and not involve the job coach. (RED ALERT, RED ALERT!) I'm sure her favorite color, foods and blood type must have come up too but thankfully I've managed to block some of it from memory.

My interview form still sat at my desk at the end of that interview. Not once had I picked up my pen and made any notes. This is because I never had a chance to ask any of my questions. Every time I tried to twist the conversation around to things I needed to know she just kept on talking! I sat there slack-jawed for an hour listening to her ramble on and on... and on.... and on....

and on.... and on... and ON! Over-all impression: -5.

*ahem* Yes, I didn't hire her either. Call me picky.


Ms.B

What NOT to do in an interview: Part 1

For a few years now I've kicked myself for not making a list of the stupid, asinine, moronic things that some people do when coming in to apply for a job at the care center. Therefore I really must take this opportunity to share the "no no"s of job hunting.

Bare in mind that the care center is a laid back atmosphere. We let a lot of things slide. Wearing jeans during your interview isn't going to bug us, although we do appreciate when someone takes the time to dress up. When something stands out as a really bad move, there is a very good chance that you aren't going to get the job. After all, if you can't survive the interview process, you aren't going to last very long with the crazy direct care staff.

Interview No-No #1: Calling on the phone to ask about the job and trying to do the interview over the phone.

I don't know who you are, when you call me. If you need to know something about the job that you saw advertised, great. I'll happily answer any question you have, even the ones whose answers are IN the ad you saw. No problem. But, by all means, do NOT start talking my ear off about your 25 years of experience and how you have 12 mothers-in-law that have special needs. I really don't care. I don't. Show up in person, fill out your application, knock my socks off in an interview and you'll have the job.

Interview No-No #2: Do NOT show up with your friend, spouse, or 7 children.

If you are serious about job hunting, show up alone. If I have to baby sit your kids while you are filling out the application, I will NOT call you for an interview. And don't think that the knowledge of small babies or an ugly spouse is going to make me pity you. I just pisses me off.
True Story: Last year, shortly before our yearly fundraising carnival, I had two women and 5 children show up. Since that many people would be a tight squeeze in my office, I invited them to sit in the Conference Room to fill out their applications. At that point in time, we had received numerous donations for prizes at the carnival and, with no other place to put them, we had placed them, still wrapped and bagged, in the Conference Room. I made sure that each woman had a pen, propped their door open, and sat down at my desk, which coincidentally is right across the hall. Minutes later one of the children shut the door. At first, I wondered if they were just playing with the door but when it didn't open back up after a minute, I walked over and unlocked it. There, inside the room were the two women happily chatting while the oldest child filled out the applications for them. The youngest two children had taken the liberty of opening up the bags of donated prizes and had removed them from their packages. As politely as I could manage, I shooed them all out the door and attempted to re-wrap the toys.

!! ?? WHAT THE HELL?? !!

Honestly, if you are going to have small children in an area like that, at least teach them enough manners to stay out of stuff that isn't theirs. And don't think that locking a door is going to keep someone out when they are the one that unlocked it for you in the first place. DUH!

Oh, and this story reminds me of one more no-no.


Interview No-No #3: Fill out your own damn application.

I love diversity. I love languages aside from the every-day English that I hear. I do. I once dated a guy with the sexiest accent. I think he was from Pakistan. His voice was Oooh-lala to me. I've even tried to learn Spanish, German & Japanese. Spanish in grade school, German in Junior High, and Japanese in college. Perhaps if I had stuck to just ONE of the three I'd even be bilingual now. (Instead I mix them all together and it comes out a mess. Doko wa toilette, bitte? Gracias.)

HOWEVER, if you are going to apply for a job, any job, regardless of your native language, be able to fill out the application by yourself. PLEASE! If you can't apply on your own, you can't fill out new-hire paperwork on your own. And if you can't do the initial paperwork, you probably won't have a very easy time in Orientation, MANDT training, or the staff meetings. It might help if you can understand and answer the questions in your initial interview as well. As luck would have it, two of our management staff are fluent in Spanish, which is great since it is the most common non-English language spoke by applicants. If you want to work in their departments, great. You can interview and train with them and they'll understand. Sweet!

But fill out your own damn application.

Ms.B

Sad

Yesterday, there was a report in the news that a woman in Texas had hung her three daughters and then killed herself. Depressing, I know. Sometimes I wonder what could make a person do that yet at the same thought I feel grateful that I DON'T know what it feels like to be in that state since that would be a horrible way to feel.

Mothers of the world, please don't hurt your babies. We want a baby so very badly and are unable to have one. Why do babies come to those who can't handle them, yet our home remains empty?

Ms.B

Who Knew?

Upon conclusion of my latest trip to the Wal-Mart Super center it dawned on me that I was one of a small collection of individuals who were not yet aware of the proper approach for a successful Wal-Mart shopping experience. Therefore, I submit for approval, the The Etiquette Guidelines for Wal-Mart Shopping. Please alert the other 2% of the population who, like me, have been blissfully unaware of the existence of these guidelines.

Anyone who shops at their local Wal-Mart store must follow most if not all of the following rules:

#1) Never attend Wal-Mart unless you have at least 4 children in tow.

#2) Make sure to feed fore mentioned children lots of sugar prior to leaving your house.

#3) As you enter the parking lot, be sure to whip out in front of pedestrians as they try to make it back to the safety of their car.

#4) Position the wheels of your vehicle so that you are about 10” into the parking spot to the left of you. Also, pull so far forward that the car in front of you can’t get into that parking spot without bumper kissing your front fenders.

#5) As you enter the sliding doors, arrange your 4+ children in such a way that no one else can either enter or exit the store. Linger in the doorway for a few seconds while yelling at the kids to behave or “they’re gonna get it”!

#6) Give at least two of the children with you a cart of their own. Choose the children that are most likely to knock into other shoppers as you maneuver about the aisles.

#7) Do not proceed in an orderly fashion. The children and other carts must be directly to either side of you in order to block as much of the aisle as possible. If you happen to be on a solo shopping trip, remember to park your cart in the CENTER of the aisle. This will create much traffic build-up and, if you are lucky, you will learn some new swear words and hand gestures.

#8) As you reach the end of each shopping aisle, pick up some speed and whip out into the large area at the end. People will squeal and dart out of the way of your cart. It is very exciting.

#9) Half way through your shopping list, encourage your children to become very hyper and dart throughout the store while unsupervised. This will act as a form of birth control for other shoppers who have been considering starting a family of their own.

#10) When you reach the area where all the soda is, sneakily open a 12-pack and drink the contents of one of the cans. Then slip the empty can back into the pack. Once you are done, abandon your cart and make a hasty detour to the closest restroom. Do not wait in line for the next stall, just dart right in and claim a toilet. Never mind washing your hands. You need to get back to your cart so that you can make your way to…

#11) the PRODUCE section! Be sure to finger as much of the fruit and vegetables as possible. Round up the small children and watch with amusement as they pull a large grapefruit from the pile causing round, yellow objects to spill onto the floor. While the other shoppers are trapped amidst the mess, make a bee-line for the cash register.

#12) Once you get there, order the kids to “put back” the toys they’ve collected throughout the store.

But Mama, I WANT IT!!!!

SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEECH

#13) Once you are done screeching, reaffirm that the children do not get to have their toys and make them set everything down in a small pile directly in front of the cart belonging to the person next in line.

#14) Go through the groceries you’ve chosen and select at least 3 perishable items to leave on top of the candy display next to the register.

#15) Take your time putting things on the conveyor belt. Stop every so often to yell at one or more of your children. At this point they should be fighting at the very front of the store and bumping into people here and there.

#16) Be sure that you add everything up ahead of time so that when the cashier tells you your total you can explain that you don’t have enough money and that you’ll need to remove about 7 items from your bags.

#17) Push your cart very very slowly towards the front of the store.

#18) As you reach the exit, realize that little Timmy is missing and stop your cart, once again, effectively blocking the exit. Do not move until Timmy is located!!

#19) Scold Timmy loudly in front of the store. This is a great opportunity to use the new swear words and hand gestures that you learned earlier while blocking the aisles.

#20) Dart out in front of cars as you leave. Cross in front of them at a diagonal angle in order to take as much time as possible. This will get their adrenaline pumping. They might not thank you at the time but it’s that extra rush that will help them survive their next hour in the store!


Ms.B

Girl's Camp

On Wednesday I met most of the girls and leaders who will be on the annual Girl's Camp adventure this year. Admittedly, I was nervous ahead of time. Camping is not my niche. Combine that with the fact that teenage girls are scary enough as it is and you have a sure-fire recipe for disaster. 'Lady Luck' shined upon me though, as the girls turned out to be fun, nice, and interactive. The group gets along well, no obvious clicks or snobbery, and they seemed to include everyone in the activity as we learned about First Aide. A good time was had by all.

I might just enjoy camp this year.

Perhaps half of my fears for this camping situation stem from my experience last year. In my old neighborhood, I was helping with some camp preparation as well. Different leaders, different girls, same objective, and I was not looking forward to it. The ages of the girls and the social circles they traveled in were vastly varied and it seemed that things would not be as cohesive and enjoyable as they could be. The leaders there were rather stuck-up as well.

This new group doesn't seem destined for such problems.

YAY CAMP!

“Sweet as Spice”

Moving out of your parent’s home is a major milestone in any child’s life. I don’t mean “move out to college and come home” kind of moving, but the “left and I’ll never be going back” sort of move. This occurred for me in the summer of 2001. For reasons I am still not completely sure of, I explored some online advertisements to see what kind of housing options there were. I had a good set-up with my parents. My bedroom was on a different floor than the rest of my family and I was well behaved enough that I didn’t have any kind of curfew or restrictions. There just comes a time in the life of most 20-somethings when you fly the coop. And so I did. I responded to one of the ads I saw and a nice gal called me a short while later. We arranged for a moving day and before I knew it I was settled in a two bedroom, one bath condo. My roommate, DeeDee, was a divorced gal about two years younger than myself. We got along rather well at the start. We’d hang out frequently and she always invited me to go clubbing her with her friends. Some times I went. Other times I declined so I could hang out with my boyfriend at the time, Mr. PBM. For about three months everything went great. She had a cute hound dog, Cindy, that was a lot of fun. DeeDee gave me permission to get a cat (Gizmo, the start of my current zoo!) and he and Cindy were the best of friends. Girl talk was entertaining. I’d watch her go online looking for boyfriends and we’d have long talks about how much money a guy should make to be worth a girl’s time. I learned that she only wanted to marry a blonde or brunette guy (no non-whites, please!) because she wanted little blonde babies that looked like her. I never quite understood that logic, but I didn’t worry about it since it didn’t affect me. Besides, all the more hot, dark strangers for me, right? RAR! She also gave me pointers on how large a man’s penis should be and how often a girl should let him put it in her. Advice on what to wear and how to look was non-stop, and she said I should have a job that paid me more money so that I could accumulate the luxuries that she had, like a “big girl” bed (size queen or larger) as well as a washer, dryer and a wicker couch. I always wondered how patio furniture in a living room could be considered a luxury. The only argument that we ever had was during her birthday party when she was extremely drunk and got mad that I was a little annoyed with all the drunk people creating havoc in our home. Someone there called the cops and she was sure it was me. (It wasn’t, though I had seriously considered it!)

*evil grin*

One day the tide turned. DeeDee was a lonely girl. She went through numerous boyfriends while I lived with her as well as a few random sex partners. Most memorably, a super nice guy with kids (who she broke up with due to his small penis) and a rich doctor guy who was just using her for sex. The nice guy was actually a keeper (small penis aside) but she messed up the relationship with him by telling all her friends about his tiny member. That, and she blew him off to date the rich doctor, or RD, as I’ll call him. RD moved to the east coast about two months after I first met him. DeeDee drowned her sorrows in alcohol and then decided that she was going to join the Air Force. Unfortunately she had a rare genetic issue with her hand that made her incapable of hold a firearm correctly and the Air Force denied her application. She tried to stifle this disappointment by re-connecting with the nice guy she had given the shaft. Fortunately for him, by that time he had met a new woman and it was his turn to blow DeeDee off. Oooh, she was mad. She began drinking more and more. Unfortunately, there I was, with a job I loved, a boyfriend I enjoyed and no worries in life. No worries except for her. She became a horrendous bitch literally over night. I couldn't move out of there fast enough. But not before she stole some money from me, charged me for bills I had nothing to do with and, in general, made my life hell. I moved to a small apartment of my very own and lived happily ever after. Okay, so maybe not happily ever after, but sanely ever after. Through mutual acquaintances I heard that shortly after I bailed on her, RD contacted her and suggested she come out to see him. With no hesitation she sold all her furniture, appliances and major belongings and moved to the east coast only to turn around and move home again less than a month later when the doctor broke her heart. All this drama by a woman that was such a pro at giving ME advice on my personal life.

This blog entry is an educational one for me. It has taught me that I am, in some cases, a bitter, unforgiving bitch! You see, about a year ago, as I was leaving the checkout at a local store I saw her. I didn’t stop to say hi, honestly I am not even sure if she saw me. I just hustled out the door to avoid having to talk to her. I am sure we would have given each other fake smiles and done the “so great to see you” bull shit that we always do with old acquaintances. She would have asked if I was dating anyone and hidden her jealousy when I said I was married. She’d ask about my husband and what he did for a living and I’ve had secretly wished I had the nerve to blurt out something about his size 16/wide feet.

The close call did peak my interest, I must confess. As I pondered if she could be married by now, the memory of her online dating attempts crossed my mind. “What are the odds she’d still have a personal ad after all this time?”, I thought. First thing I did when I got home was hop onto Yahoo personals and do a little search. It didn’t take me long to find her under the title “Sweet as Spice”. There, under her requirements for a man were“white and rich”. I book marked her ad and put the link in a random folder on the computer. I periodically surfed to her page every few months when I would find the link. “Oh YEAH!”, I’d think. “ I wonder if she’s still on there.” and I’d take a peek.

Today was one of those random days. With the Internet finally working again here at the office I have been cleaning up my old bookmarks. There was her link. I couldn't’t resist the urge. She's still “Sweet as Spice”. Still wants her Caucasian man. But good news to all you single guys out there. She now has “any” marked on the income bracket. Could the years of desperation have finally made her more open to new options? Did she find Mr. Right only to find he was looking for Mrs. Right? Or maybe she’s just living on the wild side. In any case, the tides are turning and it’s your lucky day, men!

I now present to you, her Yahoo Personal’s Profile, cut and pasted in its original format. (Okay, I confess that I updated it a tiny bit for accuracy reasons, but I didn't let my anal tendencies allow me to fix her spelling errors.)

……….….

“Sweet as Spice”

Okay first off -- I am a girly girl BUT I can still get drunk dirty with the best of them! I love heels, dresses, skirts and all things wicker pink. One Most of my friends at one time or another have told me I look like Beverly Mitchell (Lucy from 7th Heaven), but I think she looks like me. :) I drink laugh at myself on a daily basis - without laughter and smiles life is nothing. I am desperate a sucker for a guy who can make me laugh!

I am drunk funny, attractive, intelligent, and super fun!! I love to travel -- I used to be a flight attendant so I've done lots of it! I enjoy alcohol a good book, movies, the outdoors (in small doses please), walking my dog, yoga, spending time with my nieces/nephews and good conversation (especially if it comes with a good cup of coffee or a good glass of wine).

Money Chemistry is a must! I don't believe in love at first sight, but I believe in attraction at first sight. I am old enough to realize that those "sick to your stomack butterflies" fade and you have to have something deeper to build on. I've got a small dog (what happened to her hound dog?), so you must like her! I love my high heels, so tall guys get extra brownie points! Please note I AM NOT LOOKING FOR A ONE NIGHT STAND. I am in search of something more meaningful that one or two nights of a good time. Let's be honest, if I just wanted a piece, I wouldn't have to look on here for it!! I have a dull great life with a good job and even better friends, so I hope you feel the same about your own life. I am looking for someone to support complement me, not complete me.

If I've piqued your interest or think you can pique mine, drop me a line!

…………….

If only I had the balls to post the link to the real deal. But that would be a little too evil, even for me.

Ms.B