Lesser of Two Evils

Due to the nature of my job, I have chosen to remain anonymous on my blog. HIPAA regulations are very strict and those who break them run the risk of receiving large fines and serving jail time. Since I am poor and have no desire to be someone's bitch in prison, I figure I'll just keep my yap shut when it comes to name and location.

To this point I really haven't written much about work, aside from my periodic, therepeutic rants about Mr.PBM and my entry explaining the asinine status of some of the direct care staff.

Working in a care center for individuals with mental handicaps is the most interesting job in the world. Many times, when people hear what I do for a living, they pat my arm and say things like "I could never do that." or "Bless you. Someone has to work with those people." I try not to become offended by their ignorance. After all, I could just as easily hear myself saying the same thing to a brain surgeon. I could never do that.

The most important thing, when it comes to residents like mine, is to remember that they are people just like anyone else. They are adults. They have feelings. If you cut them, they bleed. Honestly, it might seem like I am stating the obvious, but so many people who meet my them become a different person. I've seen people's nasty stares when we're at a public place. I've seen well-meaning volunteers come in and baby talk at them as if they were 6 months old. There is even a gas station down the street that has a restraining order in place against one of our residents because he doesn't know any better than to sneak out of the building with 30 cents in his pocket and head down the road for a coffee. We've asked the store to keep a tab for us and we'll pay for anything he takes, but instead of being compassionate, they decided they'd "Ban the Retard".

What the hell?

I wish I could sit them all down and explain the amazing way that caring for someone unconditionally can touch a person's life. The individuals that live at my care center are the most forgiving, accepting, and amazing people I've ever known. Every day, as I arrive for work, I am greeted so enthusiastically and sincerely. Sometimes they tease me, sometimes they hug me, but all the time they love me. You can't top that feeling. You really can't.

Working here is educational as well. I work with an Occupational Therapist and a Speech Pathologist. My basic duties are to monitor how the residents are doing with communication and adaptive equipment and report their status back to my two consultants. Then they let me know what needs to be done and I implement it. I am also the staff in charge of hiring, hence my long-ago rant about retention. By having duties that vary, I am able to work both with the residents as well as the employees.

There is a Psychologist on staff. Each Friday we have a meeting where we discuss how our residents are doing behaviorally and give feedback on how med changes have affected their moods. Terms like "Non-selective Cyclic Antidepressant" and "Atypical Anti psychotics" are tossed about like they are every-day English. Many times I just nod my head as if I understand even though I'm confused as hell. Other times the info actually soaks into my brain and I learn something new.

For instance, today I learned that if you take an anti-anxiety drug like Celexa, Lexapro, Paxil, Prozac or Zoloft, you might feel better but you also run the risk of side-effects like Headache, drowsiness, speech impairment, Nausea, diarrhea, weight gain, inflammation of your nasal passages, and seizures. I get anxiety just thinking about all the side-effects. But isn't that interesting?? In actuality, most who take those drugs won't get the side-effects and if they do, the benefit outweighs the bad. Thank goodness all the people here who need an anti-anxiety drug don't actually end up with explosive diarrhea otherwise it would be the staff with the inflamed nasal passages.

In today's meeting some ideas for improving our teamwork were brought up. The feedback that everyone had left me a little more motivated, a little more hopeful for good things in the future. Perhaps even a staff attitude that would encourage people to want to be here. To join a real team and do something good for our residents. Maybe the people I hire in the next few weeks have a shot at some real success within the context of our building.

I hope.

The NeoPets binge continues...

... and I can't make it stop! I just spent my entire lunch break playing games and I've come to the conclusion that I am horrible at them! Alas, they are the only way for me to make neopoint$ so I must endure.

My current focus is obtaining everything possible that has to do with Spardels. Unless you've played NeoPets before I know you are scratching your heads. A spardel is a little blue and white dog that has goofy, bulging eyes (not unlike those of my Monkey) and the ears of a terrier. So CUTE! My gallery is slowly filling with my collection. As fast as I earn the neo-money I am spending it.

The therapeutic value of this is priceless. Spending sprees like this in real, every day life would leave me living in a large box under the freeway. Funny thing is that I hate shopping in real life but on the computer I am a beast!

I better hope that I find a random paint brush soon so I can sell it and get out of this hole I have dug for myself. Maybe if it is a really good one (Come ON, Pirate Paint Brush!!) I can sell it and buy every last Spardel left on my list. Mua haha! I still need Pink, Ghost, Black, Halloween, Custard, Purple, Grey, Green, Faerie, White, Pirate, Disco and Island.

AHHHHHHHH!

................

I can't believe the person who just typed this blog entry is soon to be 30 years old. Am I pathetic or what? Wait, don't answer that.

*cries*

Ms.B

Brain broken, can't focus

I finally fell asleep last night at about 3:30 a.m. Correction, I fell asleep this morning at 3:30 a.m. I had hoped that blogging about M would release some sort of pent-up inner energy but I didn't. I almost decided to come in to work early but then common sense kicked in and I realized I was just having crazy thoughts brought on by lack of proper rest.

Even though my day has officially begun now and I am at my desk, I still can't get my brain to shut up, hence my random blog entries. Instead of doing paperwork, I am brazenly typing away. I doubt my boss would even notice I was being "naughty" if he came in here since my work is always done and I'm not a problem employee.

A million thoughts are trying to go through my head at once and its driving me insane!

Need to complete paperwork. Hired new staff. Old staff better be nice to him or I'll kick their asses! I want to get the ground cover planted on the north side of the house. Holy mackerel, Little Miss Drinkalot posted on my blog! I need to charge my cell phone. What's for lunch? I hate Mr.PBM, I have a meeting at 1:30. AHHHHHH!


I really need a nap.

On a more up-beat note

The backyard of the Haven is almost complete. The fence is nearly done, the weeds are gone and grass is growing in the bare patch where the old outhouse was.

Outhouse? Yes, the prior owners had a decorative outhouse (NOT functional) in the backyard when we first toured the place. They were quick to tell us, during our tour, that it was not staying with the property.

........What a shame.


Last night I managed to dig out one of the two metal posts that were being used to support the old, broken fence to the side of the house. With the new post in, there isn't a need for it any more. The other post will come out today. DH says he plans to remove it. If he doesn't have time, I will be tackling it myself.

*flexing*
Me strong woman. Arrrr.
*realizing I have no muscle tone when I flex*

How sad.

In any case, the hardest of the hard work is all done and it is great to see things coming together nicely. I find gardening and yard work to be somewhat therapeutic for me. My hands in the dirt, making things grow... it's wonderful. And nothing tastes better than a tomato from my own vine.

Sad

Yesterday, there was a report in the news that a woman in Texas had hung her three daughters and then killed herself. Depressing, I know. Sometimes I wonder what could make a person do that yet at the same thought I feel grateful that I DON'T know what it feels like to be in that state since that would be a horrible way to feel.

Mothers of the world, please don't hurt your babies. We want a baby so very badly and are unable to have one. Why do babies come to those who can't handle them, yet our home remains empty?

Ms.B

1:30 a.m.

What on earth am I doing awake? Honestly now, all good girls should be asleep in their beds, yet here I am blogging.

Tonight, as I was whisking DH out the door to work, my cell phone rang. It was my good buddy, M.

I met M at about the same time I met my husband. Nice guy. Mid-40s. Divorced 3 times.

Anyhow, from the moment we met, M and I hit it off. Not in a romantic sense, but it was as if we'd been friends for years. Good, platonic, easy-going friends. Nothing more. EVER!

We'd get together and talk about the dates we'd been on with other people. When I met DH, M cheered me on and was happy that I was happy. When he met his current wife online I did the same for him.

He and his wife, E, wed on June 3 of last year, about 8 1/2 months after my own wedding. It was the fourth marriage for M, the first for E. She is from the Ukraine so M&E had to go through the same VISA process as DH and I. Oh, the joys of importing your spouse. M&E tied the knot in Las Vegas, Nevada. DH and I were there for the occasion and we all had a grand time that weekend. Things seemed to be going well.

That's why M's phone call caught me a little off guard.

I really need someone to talk to. E is working 3 jobs and spends her entire day angry with the world. She doesn't cheer up until 8:30 at night. It's like we are roommates instead of married. She goes out with her friends and seems really happy but when she comes home to me she turns mean.

... I didn't know what to say. I hadn't realized it was so bad. Then he shared more.

We aren't doing anything for our anniversary next week. I offered to send her to Vegas with a friend. I'm not going. There isn't even any reason to rent a room somewhere. We haven't had sex since our honeymoon.

.... What does a good friend SAY to that?

E told me that if I want sex, all I have to do is ask. But every time I've hinted at it she's turned me down. She says she's not as easy as American girls.

.... What does an American friend say to that!!!

I suggested he talk to her about how he feels and he said he already had; that E had told him that she "is the way she is" and nothing would change. Even though he insisted that he still loved her, I could tell he was defeated. My heart broke for him. I managed to survive the rest of the conversation by low-level-managing M with comments like "That's so horrible.", "Hrmm..." and "I'm so sorry!".

Near the end of the phone call he had one more unexpected comment for me.

Some time you should send "DH" to work and you and I can catch a movie together, just you and me.

I gave the obligatory response of "Oh, sure. Maybe we can do that some time. I hope you feel better soon, blah blah blah." that supportive friends DO but my heart wasn't in it this time. Why on EARTH would he need to have me send off my DH and spend alone time with me? I know he needs a friend and I definitely want to be there for him but I am wise enough to see the trouble that a situation like that could lead to.

We'd go see a flick, then he'd drive me home. In the drive-way he'd start to cry about the demise of his marriage and I'd hug him for comfort. Then one thing could lead to another and.... I'd have to kick his ass for trying to make a move on me. A great friendship would be destroyed. I can't risk it. And even if the night was innocent, how would it appear to his wife?

Perhaps I am jumping to conclusions about M's intentions. Maybe the extra attention I've received from Mr.PBM lately has given me illusions of grandeur regarding my effect on the male species.

Perhaps.

Ms.B

Who Knew?

Upon conclusion of my latest trip to the Wal-Mart Super center it dawned on me that I was one of a small collection of individuals who were not yet aware of the proper approach for a successful Wal-Mart shopping experience. Therefore, I submit for approval, the The Etiquette Guidelines for Wal-Mart Shopping. Please alert the other 2% of the population who, like me, have been blissfully unaware of the existence of these guidelines.

Anyone who shops at their local Wal-Mart store must follow most if not all of the following rules:

#1) Never attend Wal-Mart unless you have at least 4 children in tow.

#2) Make sure to feed fore mentioned children lots of sugar prior to leaving your house.

#3) As you enter the parking lot, be sure to whip out in front of pedestrians as they try to make it back to the safety of their car.

#4) Position the wheels of your vehicle so that you are about 10” into the parking spot to the left of you. Also, pull so far forward that the car in front of you can’t get into that parking spot without bumper kissing your front fenders.

#5) As you enter the sliding doors, arrange your 4+ children in such a way that no one else can either enter or exit the store. Linger in the doorway for a few seconds while yelling at the kids to behave or “they’re gonna get it”!

#6) Give at least two of the children with you a cart of their own. Choose the children that are most likely to knock into other shoppers as you maneuver about the aisles.

#7) Do not proceed in an orderly fashion. The children and other carts must be directly to either side of you in order to block as much of the aisle as possible. If you happen to be on a solo shopping trip, remember to park your cart in the CENTER of the aisle. This will create much traffic build-up and, if you are lucky, you will learn some new swear words and hand gestures.

#8) As you reach the end of each shopping aisle, pick up some speed and whip out into the large area at the end. People will squeal and dart out of the way of your cart. It is very exciting.

#9) Half way through your shopping list, encourage your children to become very hyper and dart throughout the store while unsupervised. This will act as a form of birth control for other shoppers who have been considering starting a family of their own.

#10) When you reach the area where all the soda is, sneakily open a 12-pack and drink the contents of one of the cans. Then slip the empty can back into the pack. Once you are done, abandon your cart and make a hasty detour to the closest restroom. Do not wait in line for the next stall, just dart right in and claim a toilet. Never mind washing your hands. You need to get back to your cart so that you can make your way to…

#11) the PRODUCE section! Be sure to finger as much of the fruit and vegetables as possible. Round up the small children and watch with amusement as they pull a large grapefruit from the pile causing round, yellow objects to spill onto the floor. While the other shoppers are trapped amidst the mess, make a bee-line for the cash register.

#12) Once you get there, order the kids to “put back” the toys they’ve collected throughout the store.

But Mama, I WANT IT!!!!

SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEECH

#13) Once you are done screeching, reaffirm that the children do not get to have their toys and make them set everything down in a small pile directly in front of the cart belonging to the person next in line.

#14) Go through the groceries you’ve chosen and select at least 3 perishable items to leave on top of the candy display next to the register.

#15) Take your time putting things on the conveyor belt. Stop every so often to yell at one or more of your children. At this point they should be fighting at the very front of the store and bumping into people here and there.

#16) Be sure that you add everything up ahead of time so that when the cashier tells you your total you can explain that you don’t have enough money and that you’ll need to remove about 7 items from your bags.

#17) Push your cart very very slowly towards the front of the store.

#18) As you reach the exit, realize that little Timmy is missing and stop your cart, once again, effectively blocking the exit. Do not move until Timmy is located!!

#19) Scold Timmy loudly in front of the store. This is a great opportunity to use the new swear words and hand gestures that you learned earlier while blocking the aisles.

#20) Dart out in front of cars as you leave. Cross in front of them at a diagonal angle in order to take as much time as possible. This will get their adrenaline pumping. They might not thank you at the time but it’s that extra rush that will help them survive their next hour in the store!


Ms.B

Girl's Camp

On Wednesday I met most of the girls and leaders who will be on the annual Girl's Camp adventure this year. Admittedly, I was nervous ahead of time. Camping is not my niche. Combine that with the fact that teenage girls are scary enough as it is and you have a sure-fire recipe for disaster. 'Lady Luck' shined upon me though, as the girls turned out to be fun, nice, and interactive. The group gets along well, no obvious clicks or snobbery, and they seemed to include everyone in the activity as we learned about First Aide. A good time was had by all.

I might just enjoy camp this year.

Perhaps half of my fears for this camping situation stem from my experience last year. In my old neighborhood, I was helping with some camp preparation as well. Different leaders, different girls, same objective, and I was not looking forward to it. The ages of the girls and the social circles they traveled in were vastly varied and it seemed that things would not be as cohesive and enjoyable as they could be. The leaders there were rather stuck-up as well.

This new group doesn't seem destined for such problems.

YAY CAMP!

Sometimes Low-Key is best

I am looking forward to a long, un-eventful weekend. The holiday on Monday creates three days for relaxing, puttering, & wasting time. Amidst all the wasted time I hope to accomplish two things. Finish the last planting/fence detailing in the backyard, and wash some laundry. That's it. It is my ultimate goal to accomplish nothing more than that. Dare I hope for so little? I suspect that the DH is going to convince me to go grocery shopping... and ladies from church may ask me to meet with them about girl's camp. Oooh, and my parents could request that we come over for a visit. But even if all these things do happen, the weekend will still, for all intents and purposes, be considered low-key by most.

And that makes me very happy.


Ms.B

Intervention Time

The time has come, my friends, for someone to stage an intervention!

NeoPets has taken over my life! I peek at my account when I wake up in the morning. I periodically hop on the games at work during my breaks (and sometimes between my breaks!!). First thing I do when I get home at night, besides pee, is hop on the computer.

I think of baby paint brushes and rainbow fridges during meetings. I plot re-stock ideas as I do assessments. Yesterday as I monitored the parlor I came up with a new batch of plushies I wanted to collect.

.... AHHHHHHHH!!

I should focus more on work at work. But I don't. Instead, I am patiently waiting for someone to accept my offer on a custard petpet paintbrush. STOP THE INSANITY!

*

*

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I wish I had a pink paint brush for my Lenny

Do you think the world is ready for it?

Sitting here at my desk minding my own business.

Happily typing away on the June 2007 events calendar for the facility.

In tip-toes Mr.PBM.

"Oooh, working on the calendar!", he says? "That's a funky font!"

He points to the rather every-day, average, easy to read font that the word "June" is typed in.

"Do you think the world is ready for it?", he asks?

"I sure hope so!", I say.

Then he quietly leaves the room.


.............................................. *WTF?*

Our annual state survey team is in the building doing their observations and reading through charts. I hope they check out the kitchen and find enough issues to keep Mr. PBM busy for the next few months. I need a vacation... from him. HELP ME!


Ms.B

Pen Thief

Yesterday was another Mr.PBM fest. He wouldn't leave me alone. At one point he came in the office to tell me he had purchased gluten-free gravy!

Hooray! Gravy!

Gravy? I don't care!

I attempted a new tactic: Stop coming in here to flirt with me!

The look on his face was priceless. His comeback remark was: "I'm not here to flirt with you. You are old news. I came to flirt with insert name of office mate here."

(Uh huh, sure. Considering that both she and I are happily married, his comment was dumb. But just in case, I wonder if I should warn him that she claims to be full of worms. )

Then he left the office... with my favorite pen! The one with a huge tag on it that says my name!! At least it wasn't the $114 Pen!! Bastard!