And the #1 most embarassing reason for leaving work early is:

Today, during my lunch break at work, I ate a microwave spaghetti dinner. Normally this wouldn't be an overly dramatic event, however I had my gall bladder removed a few years back and now my digestive abilities aren't quite what they used to be. A short while after I had finished my food, the familiar rumbling and gurgling in my stomach began. Normally, the sharp pains and throbs associated with my inability to digest worth a damn are relieved by going to the bathroom and unleashing a nice strong fart. Today, I didn't feel that a trip to the bathroom was in order. Big mistake. I double checked that I was alone in the office, unleashed my gas... and shit my pants!

The horror! The humiliation!! With hands over my ass crack, I ran to the restroom only to find that in addition to having created a stinky racing stripe in my undies, I had also started my "lady curse".

What the !@#$%*#!

In a prior post I shared my infertility woes. I wasn't totally caught unprepared by the news that I am unable to have a child. I've never had a regular cycle. I was NOT prepared to be bleeding at work. I didn't have any supplies on hand and was forced to purchase a cheap pad from the bathroom vending machine. Most unfortunate was the fact that I was not wearing normal "tight girlie" panties that would hold the pad close to my nether regions. No sooner had I stood up from the porcelain throne to zip up my jeans when the darn thing twisted itself around and stuck itself to all my sensitive little hairs "down there". Any woman who has experienced this situation before just slammed their knees together after reading the previous sentence, it feels that good.

It didn't take me long to figure out that I needed to leave work early to take care of the situation. Embarrassingly enough, my boss is a man. A large, burly man. I had to take him aside and explain the whole situation to him. (!!!) I confess I omitted the part about sharting my pants. The mere mention of me having bled all over my undies was already enough for him to throw up his arms in a "get away from me" motion and walk away while telling me to go home. Good thing I erred on the side of caution. sigh

Ms.B